


Love Letters

by Dokihearts



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Library, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Clueless Yuuri, Coming Out, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, First Time, Flirting, Fluff, Librarian AU, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mari is a supportive sister, Mentions of homophobia, Miscommunication, Movie star Victor, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Rating May Change, Romance, SO MUCH FLUFF, Slow Burn, Tooth Rotting Fluff, christophe is a good friend, introvert Yuuri, librarian Yuuri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-02-19 15:44:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13126803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dokihearts/pseuds/Dokihearts
Summary: Yuuri katsuki is introvert and would easily be happy living the rest of his life buried in the pages of a book. He loved everything about books and about the library where he worked in the sleepy town of Hasetsu but his life of peace and solitude is about to be interrupted by the appearance of a Hollywood film crew and a charismatic movie star.





	1. First Impressions

**Author's Note:**

> Art for this fic!
> 
> https://hentipie.tumblr.com/post/169625248918/library-au-art-for-my-fic-love-letters

The old dusty shelves, the smell of worn books that had been read a hundred times, the gentle silence and solitude found between rows of overfilled bookcase. Yuuri loved everything about the library where he had worked now for 2 years. It was his second home and oldest friend. Having grown up in the sleepy rural town of Hasetsu Yuuri spent his childhood and adolescent there until the previous librarian retired and hired Yuuri as her replacement. Yuuri felt more at home within these cramped old walls than he had anywhere else. He hummed with satisfaction as he ran his fingers over the spine of a well read novel and slid it into place between the other books, filling the empty spot that had been there for over two weeks. He balanced precariously on the step ladder as he stretched up on his toes to reach the high bookshelves, placing book after book into the correct homes. The morning sun was trickling in from the half covered windows, catching the flecks of dust in the air that reflected the light. The library was as empty as always, the few regular visitors had been and gone by the time it was midday. Yuuri didn't mind being alone so much, having grown up a shy boy, he was more than happy to be alone with his own company. It was one of the many perks of working in such a quiet place that it was never really busy so Yuuri could read as much as he wanted without many interruptions, a thing Yuuri took full advantage of as much as possible. Yuuri often found it hard to read at home because as much as he loved his family, the noise at the onsen made it impossible to read more than a few lines without being distracted or called to help with guests or translate, being the only member of his family to speak both Japanese and English. But here, Yuuri relished the solitude. The faint sound of passing cars was the only reminder of the outside world as he regularly lost hours enthralled in between the pages of whichever book took his fancy that day. The library had Shelf after shelf of old books ranging from historical documents to modern crime dramas. It even held all the town records ranging back decades which made for very interesting reading, it was something yuuri loved to do from time to time. Hasetsu was a very old town and had gone through a lot of changes over time so it had a lot of hidden history just waiting to be discovered within these walls so every delve into the archives was just as exciting as the next. But as much as Yuuri didn't want to admit it, his favorite books were always the romance novels. A guilty pleasure.

It was nearly 1pm when yuuri finished replacing the last few books and hopped down from the ladder. It was around the time Yuuri should have some lunch so after making a quick check that there were no visitors still in the library, he grabbed the keys from behind the large antique oak desk that was still covered with various papers and documents that needed to be organized and put away.Yuuri decided he had enough time to head around the corner and back to grab some coffee before anyone would notice his absence. Locking up the front door, yuuri jingled the keys in his hand. The locks had not updated in quite some time so the keys were quite big and heavy. they made a pleasant clunking noise as he bounced them in his hand before pocketing them. The coffee shop was just around the corner, It was a pretty busy shop even though there were not that many people around day to day. It had a old fashioned canopy that pulled out over some iron tables and chairs that people frequently sat at during the summer. It overlooked the beach and had a perfect view of the ocean from there so it made for a popular meeting spot for friends and young lovers. Yuuri came here nearly every day for his lunchtime coffee, sometimes sitting out the front to get some fresh air in front of the sea. The regular barista was a lovely girl Yuuri remembered going to school with who greeted him warmly each time he went in. Embarrassingly, when he had first started working in the library and started coming to the shop, for the life of him he could not remember the girls name. It had taken over three weeks for someone to say her name in passing so Yuuri could greet her back properly. He had been far too embarrassed to ask as she had remembered him straight away. “Hello Yuuko! It's a nice day today isn't it” Yuuri smiled kindly, making small talk. “HI Yuuri! Your usual?” yuuko bounced to the counter, already starting to make the sky milk, double shot americano that Yuuri had ordered everyday for longer than he cared to admit. “Did you see all the commotion on the beach this morning??. Apparently there is some big shot Hollywood guy shooting a movie here. Is that crazy?” yuuko chatted away as she frothed the milk, “Really? I wonder will they visit the onsen” Yuuri mused. He wasn't that fond of movies, he much preferred to curl up with a book but the thought did intrigue him. He had not noticed anything unusual on the walk to the shop but he made a mental note to check it out if he got the change, curiocity getting the better of him. Hetasu was in a sharp decline recently and his family's onsen had been suffering for it. The idea of a movie star staying there was kind of exciting even if it had been years since yuuri had watched a movie with anything other than passing interest. “Yeah!! People are saying they will be here all summer. Here's hoping they come by here for lunch. It would be soo cool to meet a real life movie star! Can you imagine!! ” yuuko gushed with excitement as Yuuri paid for his drink and nodded along. “i hope they do, you should get their autograph. Anyway, Cya tomorrow yuuko” Yuuri thanked her politely and made his way back to the library.

Yuuri silently cursed himself for forgetting the protective cup cover as the hot coffee was slowly starting to burn the tips of his fingers, He fumbled to open the door one handed, trying not to spill any of his drink and scald himself at the same time.  
Once inside, Yuuri nestled in behind the desk. The old chair squeaked from the years of use, echoing out in the empty library. Yuuri sighed as he sat back and sipped, forgetting to let the the drink cool first, he immediately regretted it as it burnt his tongue painfully “Hot! Hot! Hot!” he waved his hand in front of his mouth and his eyes watered. The lid had not been sealed tight enough so his jolted movements caused the coffee to drip down his arm, ruining his favorite creme cardigan and burning his hand with a sting. Yuuri tried to put down the styrofoam cup but his hand shook from the pain. He placed it down hastily, wanting to stop the immediate pain but had done it carelessly, making it tip over and spill the steaming coffee over the desk. It destroyed several papers and notes he had been meaning to put away after his break. Yuuri winched and let out a groan. Today had started out so well…  
Yuuri tried to soak up what he could with some paper tissues he kept in the drawer but it was proving fruitless. The damage had already been done. As much as he tried, Instead of mopping up the mess it just seemed to spread it around and yuuri was praying that it didn’t stain the antique oak of the desk. He frowned in defeat.

A faint laugh caused him to jolt upwards. “Sorry to startle you.” the laugh belonged to a man who stood in front of the desk. He was tall, broad and very handsome. His voice was musical and accented with a European twang Yuuri could not place, but his English was flawless nonetheless. Yuuri looked up, flustered and embarrassed, hoping the man had not seen him make a fool out of himself just moments ago “Bad timing?” the man smiled kindly, waiting for Yuuri to compose himself “Yeah, Oh no no Um...I am very sorry, can I help you with anything?” yuuri hurried awkwardly to wipe up as much of the remaining mess as he could and throw the balled up tissues in the bin underneath as quickly as possible. The man was wonderfully dressed in a casual navy suit jacket and slacks, his silver hair styled and a pair of expensive looking sunglasses perched on his head. He looked like he belonged on the cover of a magazine and not there in the dark and dusty library, it made for an amusing and stark contrast having someone so modern in a place so old “it appears I've gotten myself a bit lost and was hoping you could possibly give me directions” the man spoke as he looked around with the bluest eyes Yuuri had ever seen, taking in the expanse of towering antique bookcases lining every wall and the stacks of books Yuuri had been reorganizing. “I'm trying to get to Hasetsu castle but I must of taken a wrong turn” he laughed at himself, shrugging his shoulders. Yuuri didn't know why but the laugh made the hair on the back of his neck stand up and deep blush rush to his cheeks. “Oh. Yes. Of course. Mmmm.” yuuri said and went to the window, gesturing for the man to follow him and look out the only clear window that wasn't blocked by a stack of books “it's the large building up on the hill. It's hard to miss once you go down to the main street which is just two streets over” yuuri pointed up to the castle nestled in between the trees on top of the hill. It was the pride of and joy of the town and could be seen from pretty much everywhere, the view was especially beautiful from the beach, making it a common place for tourist photos and wedding shoots. During the summer the castle a popular tourist destination, well, as popular as it could be as Hasetsu didn't get that many tourists to begin with but it still attracted a few to the rural town. 

The man laughed again “wow I must be blind. Thank you! I only just arrived and haven't really oriented myself yet”  
“Glad I could help. Are you here to do some sightseeing?” yuuri tried to make small talk, even though yuuri was very bad at making small talk, for some reason the laid back nature of the man just made him want to chat to him. Yuuri remembered there were a few maps of the local landmarks somewhere under the desk. He ducked under and rummaged around to find them as the man spoke “you could say that. I'm actually here for work.” the man looked amused for a reason Yuuri didn't know. Yuuri popped up, map in hand. Barely missing a bump to the head “well if you are going to be here for awhile you should take this. In case you get lost. There is a list of the most popular spots around the area and your basic tourist information” yuuri handed the crinkled map over to the man with a shy nod and a smile. yuuri caught himself starting to stare at the stranger. He was easily the most attractive person Yuuri had ever spoken to. It made yuuri’s chest flutter like a teenager. It was embarrassing how flustered it made him, but then again Yuuri was not used to talking to new people, let alone attractive foreigners. “I am definitely going to need it!. I have the directional skills of a goldfish, Thank you….mm” the man waited for Yuuri’s name. “oh it's Yuuri. I'm here everyday if you need any help during your stay, the library is always open.” Yuuri laughed nervously. Why was he acting like such an idiot?  
“you call me Vitya, Nice to meet you Yuuri” the man shook yuuri’s hand “I will make sure to take you up on that offer. Thank you for all you help! ” the man, Vitya, flashed one last dazzling smile as he waved and left the library. There was something about that man...he seemed familiar for some reason.Yuuri shook away the thought from his head.

“oh my god I am so embarrassing” yuuri rubbed his eyes from under his glasses and sat back on the chair. As awkward as he had been, Yuuri Secretly hoped that the handsome foreigner Vitya would get lost again sometime soon so he could see him again and hopefully next time yuuri met him, he leave a better impression than that of the fumbling clumsy librarian image that was sure would make Yuuri cringe for the at least the next week.  
His arm was still soaked in coffee and the desk still a soggy mess, and now that the distraction of the man was gone, the pain shot to his burnt fingers. Yuuri sighed, rolling up his sleeves got back to work. Thankfully the rest of the day went quickly enough with no other visitors to the library.


	2. Hello again.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri has had a certain someone on his mind...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art for this fic!  
> https://hentipie.tumblr.com/post/169625248918/library-au-art-for-my-fic-love-letters

Everywhere Yuuri went, people were buzzing from the news of the Hollywood film crew that had taken residence in the town. Yuuri smiled as he overheard a group of girls chatter excitingly at the prospect of possibly bumping into some unsuspecting movie stars and getting an autograph from whomever they managed to encounter. The onsen had been particularly busy the past week with an influx of tourists for the summer festival, which was great for business but unfortunately it made the place crowded and loud. It was times like this Yuuri really wished he had a place of his own but it wasn't an option for now. His parents needed help around the onsen during the busy months and they needed the financial support during the off season. Even with his sister Mari working there full time, the onsen was hectic. Yuuri pitched in the evenings after he finished work whenever he could, waiting tables, doing laundry and cleaning the guest rooms. He didn't mind it all that much as long as it helped out his family. The onsen had been in his family for generations so even if it wasn't his life's calling to run it, Yuuri still loved the place he called home.

"Did you hear that Viktor nikiforov is here in heatesu?"

"No way!! Victor nikiforov? That guy is totally hot!"

"I know right? He's the lead actor in that movie there shooting down by the beach. I would actually die if I got to meet him in person!"

"We should check out the set tomorrow and see if we can catch him. He's too hot to not at least try get a selfie with him."

"I can't believe they are filming here. It's soo cool!"

It was really nice to hear people so excited, yuuri mused as he packed away the fresh towels just out of the dryer. It had been a very long time since anything exciting happened around. Hasetsu was a beautiful town with friendly locals but it was unfortunately rather dull. But as much as the buzz was around him, Yuuri couldn't keep his mind from wandering back to the stranger vitya, who had came to the library the other day. Yuuri couldn't pin point why but he really hoped he would see him again. Even though it had been a few days, Yuuri still smiled with the thought that the silver haired man might come back to maybe ask for directions again. Yuuri knew he was being silly but it was just as rare to have a new face around as it was to have anything exciting happen. And this particular new face just so happened to be very attractive. Yuuri shook the thought from his head with a half smile. He was getting ahead of himself and thinking that way about someone he had only met once was silly. Or so he kept telling himself over and over.

Yuuri was beginning to run late as he was supposed to leave to open up the library 20 minutes ago but had gotten roped into helping with the mornings batch of clean laundry by an exhausted Mari. It made Yuuri significantly late, forcing him have to rush his way to the library without stopping for breakfast. The morning ticked on quietly. As Yuuri had suspected, no one had noticed the late opening of the library. It made his heart sink a little at how few people frequented the library these days, but it by no means meant yuuri wasn't busy. Yuuri regularly cataloged the books, restored old documents, and rebound first editions. As much as it was his job to run the library, Yuuri loved to restore the oldest books in the library. The previous librarian, Minako, had dedicated a small portion of the back to repairing the older, more valuable books. She had thought yuuri all she could about the art of book binding and repairing. It was something yuuri was very good at as it turned out.

Unfortunately. It was at that moment that Yuuri was carefully pealing back a delicate leather cover from its spine when a sudden voice jolted his attention, sending a flurry of pages to the floor. "Hello again Yuuri!!, sorry to startle you...again" Vitya beamed, a styrofoam coffee cup in each hand an a wide, now apologetic smile on his face. "Am I interrupting?" "Oh. My. Hello again. No no What...what can I do for you?" Yuuri smiled back just as wide but he couldn't hide his flustered shyness. He scrambled to grab up the pages, their order now lost but Yuuri barely noticed. Yuuri was sure the whole library could have been on fire and he would not have noticed with vitya standing upfront of him. It was a pleasant surprise to see vitya again. Not that yuuri had thought about such things....no. totally not. "Well. You spilled your coffee the other day and thought you might like another one." Vitya gave an awkward laugh and shrug of his broad shoulders. It was a strange sound coming from a man that appeared to be so suave. "As a thank you for helping me out. It's just black, I hope that is okay." Yuuri took the coffee gladly. it was pleasantly warm and smelled Devine. Yuuri tool a deep breathe of the wonderful aroma that was filling the air. Just what Yuuri needed. Yuuri gave a contented hum "T..thank you. That is very kind of you."

"What are you doing back here if you don't mind me asking?" Vitya looked at the chaos of pages and string and glue that looked like a book had exploded. Yuuri had almost forgotten what he was in the middle of doing before vitya had appeared. "Oh? This. I was just restoring some of the older books. Emm Did you find it alright?. I was thinking about you all day.... To the castle I mean. Did you make it to the castle that is. " Yuuri cringed internally as the words left his mouth. He sipped the coffee in an attempt to hide the deep blush forming on his cheeks. It failed. "Yes I did thank you. I should really hire you as a tour guide" vityas smiled with a musical laugh. If he had noticed yuuris slip of the tongue, he had at least the good kindness to ignore it. "But I actually came here again for some more help of you wouldn't mind and if I won't cause you too much trouble" vitya said, smoothly leaning his elbows on the desk. Casually closing the distance between them as if it was nothing out of the ordinary. Up close vitya was even more attractive than yuuri had first thought. A wave of butterflies crashed around Yuuris stomach at the closeness "Of...of course not. I don't mind." Yuuri answered almost immediately. "What do you need?"

"Great!! You see I am going to be here for a while and as it turns out I am very rusty with my Japanese. I thought maybe a certain lovely librarian might be able to recommend me a good book to brush up on my linguistic skills." Vitya flashed Yuuri a smile that could stop traffic. Oh my god is he flirting? No way could he be flirting with me.. Yuuri accidentally let out a honk of a laugh at the thought. Realising he had laughed out loud, Yuuri flustered his hands in front of his face which was turned a deep crimson. "Yes of course. Sorry. Emm we have some classic novels that you may have read before in English that are easy enough to read in Japanese. They would be your best bet" yuuri hurried away between two book cases, continuing to talk as he searched the shelves with expert precision. Yuuri knew the placement of every single book on the library so It didn't take long for him to locate several books ranging from Shakespeare to sci-fi. Vitya just followed behind him, curiously looking over the books with an expression of wonderment as yuuri pulled book after book without having to check the title.

Yuuri laid out a selection of a dozen book on the front desk arranged alphabetically for vitya to choose from. Some of the covers were badly worn from years of use while others were crisp and freshly printed. "These are some of my personal favorites. They are sure to help refresh your Japanese." Yuuri said with a smile. He had to admit he was extremely curious what types of books vitya liked to read, If he was an avid reader, did he like to read on English or his native language more. As Yuuri watched vitya closes as he looked over the books, he was filled with intense curiosity. He didn't want to be rude by straight out asking him so he remains quiet, holding back the floodgate of questions bubbling inside him. Where was he from? What food did he like? Was he a dog or a cat person? The curiosity was killing Yuuri.

"I think I will go with this one. They say never judge book by its cover but judging by this one, it must be good! Did you bind this yourself?" vitya picked up an old copy of classic romance novel. The cover was badly worn, with just the title in Japanese and an embossed rose on the front that once had gold leaf on it but it had been worn away from the years of being read. It was one of Yuuri secret favorites and one of the first books he ever bound himself. "Oh yes I did. It's a great one. I can lend you this first one without a library card but you have to make sure to bring it back on time." Yuuri wrote down the book title and date in the log with vityas name beside it which He subconsciously put an extra exclamation point at the end of for emphasis. "Well of course. I wouldn't want to get banned from the library. How else would I get to talk to the lovely librarian that makes such beautiful books" vitya gave yuuri a nonchalant wink that Yuuri was pretty sure was going to cause him to have heart failure. Yes definitely flirting. Yuuri blushed deeply. "I can give you my number" yuuri blurted out, almost shouted. "So...if you get stuck on any of the words I can help you translate. If your Japanese is bad. Not that it would be bad that is. I mean just In case" Yuuri tried to Act casually but could feel himself fail miserably.

He wrote down his phone number as clearly as he could with his hand shaking on the back of a blank library card. It had been years since yuuri had given his number to anyone, let alone someone like vitya. So yuuri slid the card into the front leaf of the book, because Even if vitya was practically a stranger, Yuuri couldn't deny he was deeply intrigued. "My Japanese is pretty rusty. So I hope you won't mind me messaging you a lot." vitya laughed taking the book from yuuri. Their hands brushed together for only a second. It made Yuuri heart leap into his chest. He scolded himself internally for acting like a teenager but he could have sworn he felt a spark pass between them as they touched for the brief second. "Not at all. Anything to help" yuuri averted his eyes. The overwhelming bashfulness crushed over him. Vitya thanked him for the book and left the library with a wide smile and a promise he would be back again soon. Yuuri could feel the excitement wriggle inside his stomach at the prospect. Maybe he was developing a crush on the silver haired stranger. He knows he shouldn't really get ahead of himself and that he might be reading the signals wrong. Hell, he wasn't even sure if Vitya was that way inclined. but he as far as he could tell vitya was at least flirting with him. And yuuri had flirted right back.


	3. Questions and Answers.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri and vitya get to know each other a little better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think :) thank you for all your support!
> 
> Art for this fic!  
> https://hentipie.tumblr.com/post/169625248918/library-au-art-for-my-fic-love-letters

"Life is so unfair!!" Yuuko huffed comically, resting her chin on her hand as she leaned on the counter. She was not her normal happy self today and had been sulking around all morning from what Yuuri could gather as he went in for his usual coffee.  
"What's the matter yuuko? Something wrong?" Yuuri asked as he poured his change into the tip jar by by the register like he always did out of habit.  
"Viktor Nikiforov was here in the shop the other day but I missed him because I was on my break. The other girls said they got selfies with him and all. Ugh. I always miss out on all the fun things. It's so unfair!!" Yuuko puffed out her cheeks, her grumpy expression was almost comical. She had been so excited to meet the movie star ever since the word had gotten around they were in town. Missing out on a chance to meet him by such a small time frame must have been extremely frustrating for her yuuri thought.  
"Maybe he will come in again, if he came in once there is a chance he will be in again eventually. They will be here all summer after all. If he does come back make sure to get an autograph for me. I know Mari would love one" yuuri tried to cheer her up, giving her a reassuring smile, but yuukos glum expression remained in place. An unconvinced hum is all Yuuri got in response.

Yuuris phone jingled in his waist coat pocket from an incoming message.  
He quickly tapped a reply with a wide grin forming on his face and A tinge of pink in his cheeks Before shoving the phone back in his pocket.  
"Oooooooooh yuuri. Are you texting someone? Dish dish dish" yuuko leaned forward with excitement, her own woes forgotten in an instant. Yuuri blushed deeper. Vitya had messaged him about an hour after he had left the other day, casually at first But over the last few days they had been chatting constantly back and forth. It started out just being small talk but it had developed into full blown conversations. During their marathon texting sessions, Yuuri discovered vitya was from Russia, he was visiting japan for some work although he declined to say what he did for a living. He owned a brown poodle called makkachin (that he had sent many pictures of, much to yuuris delight), he enjoyed ice skating from time to time and to Yuuri's shock, he had never tried katsudon. It took all of yuuris will power not to suggest they have some together then and there but he decided that might be a bit forward.

"Maybe..." yuuri shrugged playfully. "It's nothing really. Just this guy who came into the library a while ago. He needed help with some translating" it wasn't a lie but that was Yuuri story and he was sticking to it even if in all the hundreds of texts, not a single one had been about translating. Their messages had been bordering flirtatious But he didn't want to get his hopes up or anyone else's. Yuuko had tried to set him up on few blind dates before as there was not a very big dating scene in Hasetsu for people of the LGBT persuasion. They unfortunately had not ended very well. It wasn't as if Yuuri was a particularly picky person but so many of his dates had failed because he simply couldn't connect with them, well, not like he had connected with Vitya anyway.

Stop that. he scolded himself internally. Don't get ahead of yourself.

"Mmmhm. Well it's good to see he makes you smile like that ,who ever he is. " yuuko gave Yuuri a wink that immediately caused a flush red to darkness his cheeks once again "best of luck! I will be waiting to hear all the gossip later" yuuri could still hear yuukos giggle as he left the cafe. She was always so enthusiastic about everything, it was so sweet. But Yuuri was a much more reserved person. He dreaded the onslaught of questions that are bound to be asked in the coming days if anything actually happened between him and vitya.  
He shook his head with a sigh. Maybe it was yuuris anxious nature but his mind just kept doubting everything. It screamed at him "it's a big "IF"

\------

It was another two days before vitya came back to the library.  
Yuuri was up on top of the tall old oak ladder that reached to the highest bookshelves. The brass railings had been freshly polished so they slid effortlessly as yuuri moved from one end of the long case to the other. The slide of the wheels making only the smallest squeak as he went. his arms were full of books as He plucked out several of the older ones and added them to a steadily growing pile of those that needed repairing, as he went he replaced back the book he had already finished restoring. It was a constant cycle that Yuuri was more than happy to participate in, even if the books were being read a whole lot less than they used to, it was still important to keep them in good condition. Especially the rarer books in the back like the first edition copy of Moby Dick (although Yuuri had been too hesitant to touch that particular book due to its rarity). One book he came across had been in desperate need of a new spine. It made Yuuri instantly think of the old romance novel vitya had chosen to take out. A smile curled his lips as he thought to himself. He desperately wondered if vitya had liked it but the subject had unfortunately never came up, even in their near constant flow of conversations.

"Good morning Yuuri!!" Vitya shouted up to him from the base of the ladder. The way his accent rolled the R's in yuuris name sent a pleasant tingle down his spine. Yuuri hadn't even heard him come in but he was not startled by the appearance. He had been hoping to hear that voice all day. Yuuri turned, still perched high on the ladder to greet him.  
Vitya had a light striped shirt on with a red sweater drapes over his shoulders and crisp white slacks. He almost looked like a boat captain. The shirt neck was just low enough to show his defined collar bones. He looked stunning and it made Yuuris breath catch a little in his chest. He swallowed hard as he took in the whole view of the gorgeous man standing in front of him. "Good Morning Vitya. Didn't expect to see you back so soon. Did you enjoy the book?" Yuuri couldn't stop his smile. he hoped vitya hasn't noticed his not to subtle staring. Yuuri hopped down with a practiced swing from the ladder, landing beside him with tiny wobble. His shoes clicking on the old wooden floors as he landed.  
Vitya ran his hand through his silver hair, brushing back his bangs. "Oh yes. I especially loved that scene with the ninjas. It was a very exciting read" vitya said innocently. Yuuri pursed his lips trying not let out a laugh. There was no such scene. A realisation dawned on yuuri.

"You can't read Japanese can you..." Yuuri asked, raising a dark eyebrow, high above the rim of his glasses  
Vitya blushed. It was a beautiful sight yuuri stored away in his mind for future reference.  
"Emm no...I am afraid not. I may have told a small tiny white lie last time so I would have another reason to talk to the lovely librarian again" vitya confessed, shifting his feet. A coy smile on formed his heart shaped lips, giving away his feigned innocence.  
"You could have said!! We have a whole section of books in English" Yuuri shook his head "and You don't need an excuse to come here. It's not as if there is a que to get in unfortunately so you are always welcome to drop by whenever you want" Yuuri took the unread book off a sheepish vitya and placed it on the desk with the remaining books he was carrying. He thought for a moment when an idea struck him.  
"You know...I could do with some help if you have some free time?" Yuuri asked shyly. Secretly trying to find another reason to keep vitya around for a while longer.  
"I don't have anything planned for the next hour or so. sure, why not?" Vitya nodded enthusiastically.

The pair got working through the piles of books littered around the hall. They talked heartily as they worked, the conversation floated from topic to topic with ease and soon the library was filled with their chatter and laughter as they exchanged stories. Yuuri tried to ignore vityas casual flirting but just like the last time vitya was here, Yuuri found himself flirting back just as quick with witty remarks and playful jokes. Yuuri asked vitya what types of books he liked to read, as it turned out he was a fan of classic novels and the occasional historical story. Yuuri confessed to having a secret liking for romance novels, which vitya didn't laugh at, much to yuuris surprise. They talked about their favorite books and least books, what they liked to do in their spare time aside from reading, their hometowns and funny stories of friends.  
It was the lightest yuuri had felt in longer than he cared to admit.

Before they knew it, two hours had passed in the blink of an eye.  
Yuuri could have sworn he saw vityas heart sink as he checked his expensive looking watch. "Oh my gosh. Is that the time!". He exclaimed, his silver eyebrows knotting together. "I am going to be a dead man, Yakov will kill me if I'm late again. I am so sorry Yuuri but I really have to get going. It breaks my heart to leave you with still so much to do!" Vitya grimaced handing Yuuri the last of a pile of books they had been working through. Some were so covered in dust it caused yuuri to hold back a cough. "No no its okay vitya. I will solider on" Yuuri laughed and coughed at the same time, cursing his terrible timing.  
A tinge of sadness touched his heart. . He didn't want vitya to leave yet. they were having such a wonderful time together. A silence fell between them.  
"You will come back, won't you? Even if you can't read Japanese" Yuuri asked hopefully. He hadn't realised how fast his heart was beating. The thought that vitya might not come back coiled in his stomach. He shouldn't feel so attached but he couldnt stop himself.  
"Of course" vitya promised.  
He gave a quick wave as he rushed out the door. His sudden departure left a vacuum in his wake. Yuuri was used to being in the library alone for hours, sometimes days at a time without a single visitor but now without vitya there, it felt so much more empty than it had ever felt before.

How silly.

Yuuri let out a long heavy sigh. He was being foolish and he knew it.  
He leaned up against the desk accidentally knocking over a pile of books to the floor with a loud thump. Yuuri leaned to pick them up, one of the books being the unread romance novel. Yuuri looked at it with a smile and opened the worn cover, running his finger along the cracked spine. The blank library card yuuri had placed in the front when he gave it to vitya fluttered out and landed on the floor. Curious why it was still in there as vitya had clearly seen it to get him number. But something on it caught his eye. Yuuri picked it up and flipped it over between his fingers. There, underneath Yuuris scrawled phone number was a message written in beautifully elegant handwriting.

"Dinner sometime?  
\- V xx"

Yuuris heart stopped dead in his rib cage. His hands trembled from excitement as he clutched the little card to his chest. Yuuri couldn't believe his eyes. He adjusted his glasses before he peeked again at the message. Yes. That's what it said alright. Clear as day. He had just been asked on a date. By vitya. A date with vitya.....yuuri felt lightheaded, a well of excitement soared inside him. He dove his hand straight into his pocket to grab him phone. With shaking hands he send vitya a message. his nerves started to overtake him so all he could manage to type was a simple yet very definite

"yes!!!"


	4. Firsts.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vitya and Yuuri have their first date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art for this fic!  
> https://hentipie.tumblr.com/post/169625248918/library-au-art-for-my-fic-love-letters

"Viktor!! Where have you been! We have been waiting for you for over an hour! Time is money man!"  
Yakov yelled wildly when viktor finally arrived on set before turning to yell at a stray crew member who was not in the place they should have been. The crew bustled loudly around coordinated off street, turning away curious onlookers and over enthusiastic fans from the set, fixing lights and setting up cameras. The preparations were nearly ready for filming to begin. It seemed that viktor really was holding up the whole show. He felt only a tiny pang of guilt about it as he sat down in the make up chair but seeing yuuri was far more fun that shooting another badly written scene. Yakov Feltman was a brilliant director and viktor loved working with him but the script writer left a lot to be desired. Viktor was sure the only reason yakov agreed to direct such a train wreck was because he was getting paid very very generously to do so.

"And where were you may I ask?" The swiss heartthrob Christophe Giacometti purred, coming up from behind viktor , sitting down beside him gracefully. "Off finding some local beauties to sweep off their feet no doubt." Viktor rolled his eyes in jest at Chris's teasing. Chris was always so flirtatious, His deep swiss accent adding to the flair.

"As a matter of fact. yes. I actually was this time" viktor grinned. He decided to spill. He couldn't keep it in any longer and he trusted Chris to keep his secret. "Christophe, I met the most wonderful guy. You should see him. He's stunning!!" Vitkor gushed, his eyes huge with enthusiasm. Viktor told chris the whole story of how he had met yuuri in the library after getting painfully lost on the first day of shooting and how he had taken out a book he couldn't even read just to talk to him again. "He has the most beautiful doe eyes I have ever seen and oh he is just fascinating to talk to, like a walking Wikipedia" Vitya bounced excitedly. "And get this... he has absolutely no idea who I am. Not a clue! I didn't tell him of course. Oh Chris it is absolutely wonderful. I think I might actually be in love" viktor fawned, dramatically leaning back in the chair with one arm slung over his face like a damsel. His other hand placed on his chest, clutching his heart "Love is a strong word Vitya, you have barely met this librarian boy. I don't want to see you get hurt again from falling too fast for someone you just met....again" Christophe was a firm believer in love and a hopeless romantic but viktor had a habit of getting himself hurt by plunging head first into relationships. Chris has seen more than enough of heartbroken viktor to be wary.

"That is why I have arranged a proper date for this Saturday. I know I have said this so many times before but I think I can really see a future with this one. He is just...different. he sees me for who I am and not how the world sees me. You must understand how that feels" viktors forehead creased. His eyes pricked with sadness, almost looking like a lost puppy. The whole world saw him as nothing more than viktor Nikiforov, famous movie star and Hollywood pretty boy. They never saw the real viktor. Hell, only a handful of people even knew he was gay, It was one of the reasons why viktor and chris became such close friends, Christophe had come out publicly a few years ago. A hard task when so focused in the public eye, especially with a crowd of rabid fans following your every move. Viktor had not gotten the courage like Christophe had to come out yet so as far as the public knew he was straight. It hurt Vitkor so much to hide who he truly was but with yuuri...yuuri just saw viktor as vitya. His genuine unabridged self. Christophe softened at viktors words. Understanding completely

"Yes. I know that feeling. But I will still worry for you, as your friend..Please be careful. I don't think my liver can handle another round of your sulking viktor...Now. I must ask the most important question...does he have a nice ass?" Christophe winked with a cheeky smile on his face, cheering viktor up instantly  
"Oh my god he has the most perfect ass..." viktor spent the remainder of the day gushing over yuuri to an ever patience Christophe.

\--------

The clock on yuuris bedside table ticked away painfully slow. It was a quarter past 6. He fidgeted with the sleeves of his sweater, anxiousness creeping over him. Only an hour an a half before he was due to meet vitya at the restaurant of the hotel he was staying at... For their date. The thought alone made yuuris heart race. He had spent hours trying to pick out something he considered nice enough to wear before Mari had caught him in a fluster and offered him some assistance.

"I think you should go with the grey slip on shoes if you're wearing those pants." Mari leaned against the door frame, lighting up a cigarette. "He must be really hot if you're this worked up" she gave a light laugh. Teasing her younger brother. Yuuri grimaced in the mirror, he was still unhappy with his clothing choices. He wanted to look as perfect as possible.

"It's just been a while since I've...you know....." He let out a heavy sigh.  
"Been on a date?" Mari finished his sentence. Yuuri blushed deeply and nodded. "I'm kind of nervous. I really like this one" Yuuri confessed. The worry screased his forehead as he looked over himself for the hundredth time.  

"And I am sure he likes you too or he wouldn't have asked you to dinner. Now let's have a look at you" Mari ushered yuuri to stand in front of her. She looked at him up and down. He had settled on a cream knit sweater that was slightly oversized with skinny blue jeans that had the cuffs rolled up to show off his vans, it was casual but fashionable.  
"Adorable." Was all Mari had to say, giving him a thumbs up and a nod of approval.

The nerves has not settled in Yuuri stomach by the time came for him to leave. If they were butterflies in there, they must have been caught in a hurricane. He took a deep breathe. Here goes nothing.

Yuuri arrived fifteen minute early to the restaurant. It was a very fancy hotel that Yuuri had never been in before despite it being in the center of town. It was a tall western style building with big windows and large marble steps leading up to the front door, flanked by two well dressed doormen. It stood out in a stark contrast against the otherwise traditional architecture of the surrounding buildings. Yuuri thought it suited vitya well considering how much he stood out himself.

The doormen shot yuuri a curious look as he went in. The foyer was huge with an elegant fountain in the center. Marble tiles made geometric patterns on the floor leading up to the large modern desk. A small, stern looking women sat behind it, speaking quickly on the phone and paying little attention to Yuuri as he went up. She raised a penciled eyebrow as she hung up the phone.  
"May I help you?" She asked displeased at being interrupted. Annoyance crossed her face.  
"Yes. I'm sorry. There is a table reservation under the room number 131? I am to meet someone there." Yuuri smiled awkwardly, shifting in place. His nerves made his voice shake a little.  
"Mmmmm yes. Your host is already waiting for you." The women pursed her lips. Giving yuuri a dark look up and down that made him cringe. Yuuri figured she must have been having a rather bad day to be in such a fowl mood. Yuuri thanked her as politely as he could and quickly hurried down the hall until he found the restaurant. To his surprise he found the whole restaurant completely deserted.  
There were dozens of tables fully set but there was not a single other patron in the grand hall aside from Vitya who was sitting in the center most table. A string quartet playing soft background music.

The restaurant was extravagant and high class. Somewhere Yuuri could never afford even if he saved for quite a while. Each table had crisp linen tablecloths and silver cutlery, each with gold inlay of an intricate design. Even the wine glasses were made of expensive Chrystal. Everything looked so fancy, Yuuri was almost afraid to move in case he broke anything.  
Vitya jumped up from his seat in a smooth movement. "Yuuri!! You're early. Not that I mind of course. Come! Sit! I've booked out the whole restaurant out so we have complete privacy for this evening" vitya gave Yuuri a warm smile and gestured for him to sit on the chair opposite him. He was wearing an armani suit that instantly made Yuuri feel under dressed. God Vitya looked amazing in a suit. The charcoal grey made a beautiful contrast to the blue of his eyes. Yuuris heart raced as he sat. He shifted uncomfortably feeling out of place but as Vitya fumbled with the menu, yuuri relaxed a little knowing vitya was just as nervous as he was.  

"I don't think you really needed to book the WHOLE restaurant, a table for just the two of us would have been fine. This is a very fancy place after all. It must have cost a fortune" yuuri gave a nervous laugh. Unable to hide his awkwardness as he looked around. He wondered not for the first time what vitya did for a living to afford to do such an extravagant thing.  
"I'm trying to impress you... Is it working?" vitya whispered with a flirtatious wink that made Yuuris insides flutter. It was working very very well. "You don't need to do that vitya" yuuri smiled back. starting to relax more and more.  
A waitress came up after a while to take their order. She kept turning to vitya and smiling intently, ignoring yuuri's order nearly completely except for a few curt nods and curious glances.  
As the time ticked by as they waited for their food, they chatted away with the conversation flowing easily. They had only known each other a short time but it felt like they had known each other for years. Yuuri barely noticed the slight touches if their hands on the table or the way their legs brushed against one another under the table. He was too focused on vitya, hanging on every word he spoke.  
As he listened, Curiosity began to bubble up in his chest.  
"Vitya...." Yuuri bit his lip. Hesitant to ask the question. "Can I ask you something?"  
Vitya looked up from taking a sip of wine. "Sure? Ask away"  
"Mmm...what do you? For a living I mean. You haven't really mentioned your work"  
"Oh. Well, I work in Film Production" vitya looked a little uncomfortable by the question and it instantly made Yuuri regret asking it.  
"That sounds fun." Change the subject. change the subject. Change the subject. "I don't really watch movies unfortunately. You've probably guessed but I much prefer reading" yuuri gave a little laugh and diverting the conversation as quickly as possible. He gulped down his wine, trying to brush off the awkwardness.  
"I have noticed" vitya laughed musically.  
"You've probably heard everyone talking about the movie being filmed here. I'm actually here helping out with it. But As fun as it sounds, I'd much prefer to talk about you. Why did you decide to work in a library? Aside from the reading of course" vitya swung the subject away with much more grace than Yuuri had. He sighed with relief.  
"I don't really know" Yuuri mused, shrugging his shoulders. "I always went there as a kid when the old librarian, minako, was there. I loved how every book was so different and you could open any book and there will always be a new story to be read. I didn't really have many friends growing up so I spent a lot of time there. Minako thought me about book restoration and introduced me to all the different things that went into running a library. Before I knew it minako was retiring and I took over a few years ago" Yuuri swirled the remaining wine in his glass, reminiscing. He grew quiet. "I find it a little hard to be around people sometimes. It's hard to connect with other people in general but books..." he sighed. "Book are easy to understand. They expect nothing from you and you expect nothing from them, except maybe a good read but in the end you can never disappoint a book." Yuuri sighed again. His shoulders heavy. He didn't know why he had said such an intimate thing but he found it so easy to talk to vitya, like he could tell him anything. "Sorry. I'm rambling" yuuri waved away the thought.  
vitya placed his hand gently on yuuris. His touch was soft and light. Vitya shook his head.  
"I understand completely but I find it hard to believe you could disappoint anyone yuuri. You have no idea how amazing you are" vitya leaned close sending a flutter to Yuuri heart.  
"Give it time" Yuuri broke the tension and blushed profusely. He tried to laugh off the compliment but it came out like more of a giggle than he had intended. He was never very good at accept compliments and hearing them come from someone like vitya was nearly impossible.  
"That's the plan" vitya winked again. Resting his hand on his jaw. He looked so gorgeous, Yuuri found himself staring hopelessly.  
The food arrived soon after, the stake still sizzling. It smelled Devine with every piece of food looking like a work of art. And It tasted just as good as it smelled.  
They ate quietly with only the occasional hum of satisfaction, Savoring each bite. It was honestly the best stake Yuuri found had ever eaten. He shivered at the thoughts of how much it must have cost.

Hours passed by as they ate and talked. They ordered several more glasses of wine and their conversation grew more flirtatious with each glass. Neither of them not wanting the date to end. Yuuri ended up being very glad vitya had booked out the whole restaurant. Vitya had been right that everything felt so much more private with just the two of them. They could talk about anything without being interrupted or overheard. It was nice.  
After they had finished, Vitya placed the entire bill on his room tab much to yuuris protest. But vitya insisted intently that since he had asked yuuri for dinner it was only right that he paid. Yuuri looked only relented after vitya laughed promised that Yuuri pay for their next date. Yuuri beamed at the idea that they were in fact going to have a second date.

As they walked from the restaurant, Yuuri was starting to feel the alcohol go to his head. He was not a regular drinker so the wine was starting to take effect quicker than he had hoped but he was far from drunk. But yuuri was definitely feeling a little braver.  
"So. What now?" Yuuri asked. Anticipation prickled the hairs on the back of his neck. The date had gone better than perfect for the first time ever and Yuuri didn't know how a date like this should end. He had ideas of course, but he didn't want to get ahead of himself.  
"I can think of some things" vitya leaned in close as he stood by the front door. The prickly reception was long gone. So it was just the two of them. Alone.  
A tornado of butterflies erupted in Yuuri stomach from the trill of it. He had never been in this situation before. A perfect date with someone so desperately good looking. Yuuri found it hard to swallow. They were so close together...  
Vitya reached out a hand to brush a dark strand of hair from Yuuri face, pushing it back behind his ear. The touch left a trail of tingles on his skin.  
"Would it be okay if I kissed you Yuuri?" Vitya asked softly, looking him in the eyes so deeply, Yuuri momentarily forgot how to breath.  
All he could do was nod.

Yuuri had read hundreds, maybe thousands of love stories in his lifetime. Each one described the fireworks you felt when you kissed someone for the first time. But nothing, absolutely nothing had compared to the electricity that coursed through him the second vityas lips touched his. Every inch of him tingled as his mind whirled. The kiss was soft and gentle at first but it deepened as yuuri found his fingers running through vitya silver hair. He could easily spend the rest of his life captured in that moment but sadly  
It was all too soon that they pulled away to catch their breath. They both stood panting. Staring at each other, lips red and faces flushed.

It had been the best night of yuuris life.  
So far...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the next few chapters are about to get smutty and just a little angsty. 
> 
> When do think yuuri will figure out that vitya is actually viktor nikiforov? 
> 
> I'd love to hear from you ^_^  
> Thank you for all the support <3


	5. Katsudon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri invites vitya over to try katsudon for the first time. And Yuuri has a first time of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The weather forecast is fluff with a 100% chance of smutt.
> 
> Enjoy!!
> 
>  
> 
> Art for this fic!  
> https://hentipie.tumblr.com/post/169625248918/library-au-art-for-my-fic-love-letters

Yuuri felt like he had been living in a dream. It had been a few weeks since he and vitya had officially begun dating and It still felt so surreal to think he had gotten so lucky. Vitya regularly came to the library during the day and at nights, yuuri found himself texting vitya until the early hours of the morning.    
Every morning his heart would soar when the first text of the day rang in making Yuuri feel giddy until vitya arrived in each lunch time with a coffee in hand. They could barley spend a day without seeing each other and had not gone a single day without talking since they first exchanged numbers.    
It was the a happiest Yuuri had ever felt.    
  
But tonight. Tonight was going to be special.    
  
Yuuri had been thinking it over and over in his head for days.    
Tonight he had asked vitya to come to his house for katsudon. He couldn't make it nearly as good as his mother but he wanted vitya to try it at least once while he was in Japan and it was a very good excuse to ask vitya to come over. Because as much as Yuuri loved the idea of vitya trying katsudon for the first time, yuuri had his own ideas for how the evening was going to play out.   
He had spent the day hyping himself up to take their relationship a step further. He was finally ready...   
Yuuri had even asked his family to give them some privacy for the night so they had the place entirely to themselves.   
They had of course agreed without question, much to Mari's amusement. Yuuri was never good at hiding things from his older sister so she guessed his plans immediately, But thankfully she had not voiced her suspicions bar a simple 'good luck'. Yuuri could still feel the burn of embarrassment on his face hours later.   
  
Yuuri paced back and forth the hall. Drumming his fingers against his thigh as he waited for vitya to arrive. He checked the time on his phone repeatedly, the minutes felt closer to hours as he waited. But St least every time he checked he was now greeted with his new wallpaper, a selfie him and vitya had taken one night they had spent having drinks in the hotel bar.   
Yuuri could feel himself hyperventilate as the time was drawing painfully slow waiting for vitya to arrive. The wait was killing him but his nerves were on edge just as much in anticipation for the evening ahead. He was in a limbo of readiness and uneasiness. Yuuri thought this must be how a person felt just before they leaped out of a plane in a parachute jump.   
  
Yuuri jolted when the door bell finally rang. He quickly smoothed down his hair in the mirror one last time. It was still a mess no matter how much he had brushed it. He straighten his shirt, adjusted his glasses and took a deep breathe. You can do this. He told himself over and over. You can do this.    
He opened the door.    
Vitya stood on the other side, hidden behind the biggest bunch of blue roses Yuuri had had ever seen.    
"Surprise!" He gave Yuuri his brightest heart shaped smile, Peeking out from behind the massive bouquet.   
"Wow, my gosh, thank you. I didn't know you could even get blue roses. These are so beautiful thank you!" Yuuri beamed as he planted a kiss on vityas cheek. How did vitya know blue was his favorite color? He took in the deep scent of the Sapphire roses, touching his nose into the soft petals he let it the aroma swirl around him. They smelled magnificent.   
"Not at beautiful as you moya lyubov" vitya always knew exactly what to say to make yuuri blush.    
  
Yuuri took him by the hand and led him into the dining room. He had spent over an hour setting up the room before vitya had arrived. The lights had been dimmed and he had meticulously arranged several candles around the room, giving off a faint warm glow across the room. They sent shadows dancing across the walls almost in time with the Soft classical music that played from the stereo in the corner.   
  
Yuuri wanted tonight to be perfect.    
  
"You didn't you have to go to so much trouble Yuuri." Vitya protested but Yuuri could see the faint blush touch vitya cheeks as he sat down at the table. Yuuri made sure to pour out some sake in the little cups he had placed out before hurrying to the kitchen. His hands were trembling from excitement as he prepared two bowls of his best katsudon. His mother had taught him how to make it years ago but even after years of practice it was nothing compared to hers. But, Yuuri admitted with some pride that it was still pretty damn good. He hoped that vitya would love it just as much he did.    
Yuuri carried the two steaming bowls to the table, controlling his nerves long enough not to drop them but not enough to stop the shake altogether.   
The smell was mouthwatering. Vitya gave a contented humm as he smelled the bowl. "This is amazing yuuri. But I have a slight problem" vitya paused, biting his lip. Panic flared inside yuuri in an instant before vitya finished his sentence. "I'm afraid i can't use chopsticks." Vitya faked a winch. "Will you teach me?" Yuuri let out a sigh of relief he didn't know he was holding in. His nerves were just moments away from shattering "sure. What kind of host would I be if I didn't" yuuri scooted over closer to vitya. Their knees close enough to brush against each other under the low table. Yuuri took vitya's hand in his own and showed him the best way to use chopsticks properly. The skin contact was more intimate than yuuri had intended but he guessed that was kind of the point of the evening...    
  
They exchanged glances and bashful smiles as they ate, not realising they had gradually moved closer and closer to each other until their legs began to intertwine. Yuuri could barely remember what they were even talking about as he found himself getting lost in vityas voice. hypnotized by the rhythmic sound of his thick Russian accent. He could have been talking about his taxes and Yuuri would still listen to every word like it was gospel. As the evening went on the coils of excitement knotted in his stomach until he felt like he could almost burst.    
  
"Vitya..." yuuri said in a whisper after a while. The air thick with unspoken tension.   
"Yes, yuuri?" Vitya answered. Feeling the mood shift into something far less casual. Yuuri looked at him intently in the eyes. Leaning in close, only inches away. His hand slowly resting on vitya's thigh..   
  
"You have rice on your face"   
  
Vitya couldn't stop the burst of laughter. Yuuri followed suit, crumbling over himself in a fit of giggles. The romantic moment ruined but it was worth it for the wholehearted belly laughs it caused. All the previous nerves and tension Yuuri had felt disappeared in an instant.   
"I swear to god yuuri, you will be the death of me" vitya wiped away a tear as the laughter subsided. A wide grin still left on both their faces.    
"I had to say something. It was sooo distracting" yuuri joked. He reached out his hand to brush away the rice from vitya's lip But Vitya's hand reached up to meet it, cupping it to his cheek. He leaned into the touch, placing a light kiss on the palm.    
  
Yuuri's breath caught in his throat.    
  
Oh.    
  
"Yuuri...I..." vitya tried to say something but it was lost the moment yuuri moved forward and placed a kiss on his lips. It spoke a volume of emotions yuuri didn't have the words to speak and vitya was more than happy to reciprocate. It was just like their first kiss, the electricity shooting through every inch of Yuuri's being. It deepened into something more and before long yuuri had swung his leg over vityas lap, straddling him. Yuuri found himself rocking into him with explosive tension, cursing the thin layers of clothing separating them as they kissed passionately. They broke apart for only a second to catch their breath. Yuuri was sure vitya could feel his heart pound through his chest.   
  
Sometime during the flurry of kisses, yuuri managed to pull vitya up and led him down the hall to his room, wordlessly. Their hands explored each other, finding their way to unbutton shirts and loosen belt buckles. They bumped into the walls and the door frame before finally he back of yuuri's knees found the edge of the bed causing the pair to crash down with a giggle.   
This was really happening. He was really going to do this.    
Yuuri felt lightheaded. He remembered to remove his glasses before they continued. His hands shook wildly as he placed them on the bedside locker. He tried to calm himself but when he tried to do away with vitya's belt, vitya noticed how much he was trembling and stopped him.   
"Yuuri...are you okay?" Vitya asked, Looking at him with concern. His hand folded over to cover Yuuri's.   
"Yes yes I'm fine" that was a lie and vitya knew it. Vitya gave him a questioning look.   
"I...just....I have never....before" Yuuri closed his eyes. His previous confidence shattered at having to admit that at 23, he was a virgin. "I'm just a little nervous"    
"Oh my Yuuri it's okay. Are you sure you want to continue? I don't want you to be uncomfortable, if you aren't ready we don't have to" vitya said so Ernest and sincere yuuri could have melted then and there. Vitya was almost too good to be true.   
"Yes. I'm sure." Yuuri nodded. "More than anything"   
  
They started slowly at first, tenderly and softly. Their fluttering hands touching every inch of one another. Vitya pealed off Yuuris shirt with care before discarding his own on the floor, his hands brushing over Yuuri's skin leaving a trail of heat where it touched.. Yuuri took a moment to gaze over vitya's bare chest. He was Beautiful sculpted, his muscles tight under his alabaster skin. He looked like he belonged on the cover of a magazine and not in yuuri's small and unfortunately messy room and most definitely not nestled between Yuuri legs. Yuuri ran his hand down vityas chest, his fingers tracing over his collar bone, drifting over each bump of well defined abs. If this was going to be his first time, he was going to savor every single bit of the experience.    
  
Vitya's hand found its way between Yuuri legs, Cupping the hard bulge growing in his pants.    
Yuuri breath hitched as he moved into the touch. Vitya's fingers hooked onto the waist band of his jeans and pulled them down smoothly, letting yuuris erection spring free, he continued to pull them off, whipping them from Yuuri ankles, leaving him completely exposed as he lay on the tangle of sheets.    
It was a strange feeling for Yuuri, being so naked in front of someone else like this. He'd grown up in the onsen were nudity was common place but being naked in front of someone sexually felt entirely different, vulnerable. But he trusted vitya completely which made any worries Yuuri had vanish instantaneously.   
Yuuri couldn't imagine how he must have looked at that moment, panting and sprawled out completely naked underneath vitya, painfully turned on and his skin flushed with arousal.   
  
In a blink of an eye vitya's pant were removed in a fluid motion, his own erection standing at full attention. Yuuri eyes were wide as he took in the full sight of the beautiful Russian in front of him. He swallowed hard, resisting the urge to gasp.   
  
Vitya was very well endowed...   
  
Vitya laughed softly seeing the look on yuuris face. His finger hooking under Yuuri chin, closing his mouth that was hanging open in awe.   
"It's rude to stare zolotse" vitya whispered close to Yuuri ear. A grin flashed on vityas face, clearly enjoying yuuris reaction. Yuuri blushed deeply, averting his eyes only to be drawn back to look at the gorgeous man between his legs. He couldn't look away...   
  
"I...um...bought some things...I didn't know if we would need them. I mean I really hoped we would but...yeah" Yuuri was so flustered he could barely get the words out. He wriggled underneath vitya to reach to the bedside locker,  pulling out a small bag filled with condoms and several different types of lubricant.    
"You don't need to be so nervous yuuri. Just Let me take good care of you. Now. Relax and enjoy yourself" vitya cupped yuuris face in his hand. Placing a kiss on his forehead. Slowly peppering kisses down his jaw and neck, leaving little marks as he went. Yuuri closed his eyes and let out a soft moan. He let his head fall back as his fingers found their way into vityas moonlight hair.    
Vitya moved down, nipping and licking the length of his body making Yuuri tremble under each kiss until eventually resting in between Yuuri thighs. He nipped a little harder there, warranting a deep lewd moan from yuuri.    
"Are you ready Moya Lyubov" vitya asked. Yuuri just nodded in response, already too wrecked for words.    
  
Vitya chose a random bottle of lubricant from the bag and poured it over his hand and slid it in between yuuris cheeks. Yuuri held his breathe as he felt vitya skillfully circle his entrance, teasing it just enough to cause a drip of precum to pour from yuuris cock.    
Vitya slide the first finger in with little resistance, yuuri gasped at the new sensation and unfamiliar stretch. It wasn't uncomfortable but it was definitely a strange feeling. Vitya slowly moved it back and forth, stroking yuuris inside walls as he did. His thumb messaging the base of yuuris cock.    
He worked in a second finger and then a third. Yuuri panted and grabbed his fists in to the sheets. Whimpers of pleasure escaping his lips as vitya moved, scissored his fingers and fucking him open.   
It was then that a new sensation flooded over Yuuri. Heat burst from the center of his stomach as vitya found the sensitive ball of nerves of his prostate. He writhed under the feeling and bucked into vitya hand as He saw a flash of white and came, making an embarrassingly high pitched noise as he did so. His back arched as Thick ropey cum spilled over his stomach.    
"So soon?" Vitya teased, nuzzling his face into yuuris neck    
"Oh my god" was all Yuuri managed to say as struggled for air, Coming down from his blinding high. His fists still clutching into the sheets like he was going to float away.    
"Do you want to continue?" Vitya asked, still moving his fingers slowly inside. Stroking Yuuri's inside delicately   
Despite his orgasm, Yuuri was painfully hard, his cock still untouched.   
"Yes. Oh my god yes" he whimpered.   
Vitya wasted no time sitting up on his heels. rolling on a condom before positioning himself between Yuuri legs, his cock finding its way to press against yuuri's entrance. He teased it for a moment, making Yuuri pushed against him desperately wanting to feel it inside him but just when Yuuri was about to cry out for the want of it, vitya pushed in the tip.    
  
Heat pulsed through yuuris entire body. He moved his hips, shifting vitya deeper inside him, inch by inch. It was a delicious mixture of pain and pleasure, vityas cock stretched him and filled him up completely as he bottomed out, Fitting entirely inside him. Vitya scanned yuuris face for discomfort, giving time for Yuuri to relax and catch his breath.   
Once yuuri adjusted to the feel of vitya's rock hard length inside him, he gave a nod for him to continue   
Vitya moved tentatively, rocking his hips in and out in painful slow movements, he curled his fingers into yuuri's jet black hair, pulling on it gently. Tiny moans filled the air with each movement. Yuuri found himself clutching onto vitya shoulders, digging his fingernails in as vitya began to move faster. His movements becoming sharper and harder.    
He adjusted the angle of his hips, making each thrust hit Yuuris prostate deliciously. It was almost overwhelming,    
Yuuri barely realised how loud he was being, repeating vitya's name over and over in between moan. He couldn't tell whether he was speaking English or Japanese anymore as Vitya edged him dangerously close to another orgasm.    
"Yuuri....my yuuri...moya lyubov....I'm so close." Vitya said his voice heavy and thick in Yuuri ear. "Come with me moya lyubov" vitya folded his hands around Yuuris cock, stroking it hard and feverish. Vitya's thrusts came faster and harder and deeper than yuuri knew he could even go. He ached, searching for release, gasping whimpers of pleasure.    
It took only a few more deep thrusts before vitya came. He shuddered, a flood of russian cascaded from his lips. Yuuri followed seconds later, the feel of vitya cock pump inside him was too much for him to take before he spilled between them. They both rode each other through the waves of their orgasms, not wanting the euphoria to end. It was the most incredible experience of Yuuri's life.   
  
It was a while before either of them could speak. They panted breathlessly, momentarily captured in each other. Vitya slipped himself out of yuuri with a wet pop and lay down beside him on the tiny bed. Yuuri made room and nuzzling into vitya's chest in a blissful haze.    
"That was.....wow" yuuri almost glowed with contentment. His fingers absently traced over vitya chest, still sticky from sweat and Yuuri's release.   
"How do you feel luchik?" Vitya stroked through the silky strands of yuuris hair, his arm tucking him in close beside him.    
"Strange. Wonderful. I can't really describe it" yuuri laughed giddily, burying his face into vityas chest. His face was so flushed it could have rivaled the sun with its heat. He really didn't have the words to express how he felt. He was riding so high, he'd lost his virginity to someone he care for deeply and it was such a perfect experience. He thought the only word to describe it was love. That he was head over heels in love.    
But he decided not to voice it. It could just be the after sex haze talking. He doubted it was just the sex but he didn't want to say anything prematurely.   
"I feel the same. You are the most beautiful person I have ever met moya lyubov and I don't know what I did to be so blessed to be with you. Thank you for letting me be your first" vitya spoke sweetly, peppering yuuris head with tender kisses. Yuuri hummed in agreement but was already drifting off into a contented sleep.   
  
\------   
Yuuri woke up to vitya sitting up in the bed beside him. The light of dawn just starting to break through the thin curtains of his bedroom window. The yellow glow bounced off vityas silver hair like a halo. What a beautiful sight to wake up to.   
"Good morning yuuri" vitya kissed Yuuris forehead, noticing yuuri stir awake   
"It's still very early my love but I need to go to work. Go back to sleep. I will see you later on in the library" vitya brushed his hand tenderly across Yuuri cheek.   
He looks just like an angel Yuuri thought in sleepy wistfulness as he fell back to sleep.    
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is when Yuuri finds out about vitya. I've been loving your ideas!!
> 
> So prepare for some angst and inner turmoil!!


	6. Front page news.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri gets the surprise of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art for this fic!  
> https://hentipie.tumblr.com/post/169625248918/library-au-art-for-my-fic-love-letters

Yuuri stretched out with a long yawn, waking up more peacefully than he had in years. His hand smoothed over the tussle of bedsheets were vitya had been sleeping not hours ago. The bed still smelt like him. Yuuri buried his face into the pillows, the events of the night before still playing vividly in his mind, almost like it was some sort of glorious dream but the faint ache in his thighs from the love bites vitya had given him, reminded him that it was real and that the amazing night had actually happened. He smiled into the pillow with a squeak of joy.  
For the first time, yuuri didn't want to go to the library.. He wanted to stay there all day, riding high on the lovesick bliss. But unfortunately reality could not be escaped for very long as his alarm rang out to rouse him from his comfortable nest. Yuuri begrudgingly obeyed, slowly dragging himself out of bed to get ready for work.

Yuuri practically bounced as he went about his morning, feeling as light as a feather with each step, Stopping only to take a deep breath of the beautiful bouquet of blue roses vitya had brought him. Yuuri silently thanked his mother for remembering to place them in a vase as he had completely forgotten to the night before. He had been far too distracted...  
They were even more beautiful in the morning sunlight than they had been last night. They were a deep sapphire blue, darker than vityas eyes but Yuuri couldn't help think of them as he dipped his face in to smell the fragrant petals.  
He had not noticed before but there was a small white card nestled between the flowers. He plucked it out delicately, careful to not damage any of the blossoms and saw a small message, written in gold ink, in vityas elegant handwriting.

"For my most beautiful Yuuri.

My life, My love, My Everything.

\- Vitya xx"

Yuuri clutched the card to his chest  
My love.... The words made his heart soar until it felt like it could burst with happiness. Yuuri made sure to put the small card in the front pocket of his waistcoat, close to his heart.

Maybe it was a placebo, maybe it was just a good day, but everything around yuuri was wonderful. The sky a was cloudless blue and the sun beamed down with a pleasant heat that warmed the footpath as he walked to the library, the ocean breeze fresh on his face. It was a perfect summers day.  
Yuuri decided to head to the coffee shop before opening up the library. He was still early but admittedly, he could use the caffeine after last night.  
The cafe was busier than usual with every available table filled with customers having their morning coffees.  
Yuuko caught his eye, waving him over through the crowd queuing for the till.  
"Yuuri!!! Yuuri yuuri yuuri" yuuko bounced excitedly, nearly jumping over the counter to greet him   
"How did it go last night!! Tell me everything!" She beamed with a smile that reached fromear to ear. She seemed even more excited than Yuuri was about the whole thing.  
Her enthusiasm made yuuri blush with embarrassment. "It went really really well" yuuri said bashfully, tilting his head into his shoulder but a smile on his face gave away his giddiness. It was strange to talk about such things to yuuko or to anyone in general but it was nice all the same. Yuuri had came to her for advice a few days earlier about his and vityas relationship. Unfortunately Yuuri didn't have that many close friends to talk to about this kind of thing and Yuuko had been married for years. She had always been very open to yuuri so he felt she would be the best person to ask how to take their relationship to the next step. Yuuri didn't feel right asking someone like Mari about it so he had confided in yuuko who was more than happy to express her support.

  
"Did you? You know..." yuuko thankfully didn't finish the sentence out loud, Giving him a wink instead as she Began to make his usual. Yuuri's face was fully crimson now as he nodded. Yuuko squealed with joy and hugged him from over the counter. "I'm so delighted for you!!! Oh that is so awesome Yuuri. You must be so happy! You must introduce me sometime to your vitya, you should bring him around the next time you can." Yuuko handed Yuuri a roasting hot cup of freshly made coffee.  
"I will try. We are having lunch today so afterwards we'll try drop by" yuuri smiled back, taking a sip of the bittersweet drink. It would be so nice to introduce people to vitya. He wondering if his parents would like him...

"Oh!! Speaking of dropping by guess what!!" Yuuko ducked under the counter lightening faster to pull up a magazine.  
"I got you that autograph! Viktor Nikiforov came by again and I finally managed to snag an autograph for you and Mari. Sorry it's on an old magazine but it's the only thing I had on hand." Yuuko slid the magazine over to Yuuri.  
She continued talking but yuuri couldn't hear her as he saw the front page.  
He couldn't hear anything. Yuuri's blood froze and his heart stopped dead in his chest.  
There.  
Right on the cover,  
Was a picture of Vitya.  
His vitya.  
With bold letters above his smiling face

"Viktor Nikiforov, Hollywood Heartthrob, Hot in Hasetsu"

"Yuuri.....are you okay?" Yuuko looked at him with concern after Yuuri hadn't responded "You look like you've seen a ghost." Yuuri couldn't answer. He dropped the coffee with a splash on the floor. his hands fell limp. His mind was cascading down a tunnel, whirling at a million miles a minute.  
Yuuri felt like he could have fainted right there and then in the middle of the cafe. He needed to get out of there immediately. Yuuri grabbed the magazine from the counter and bolted out of the door without saying another word. Yuuko called after him but at that moment he couldn't have cared less.  
Yuuri felt as if the world was going shatter. Invisible walls closing in to smother him. He needed to get away.  
He ran.

Vitya...

Vitya was viktor nikiforov.  
  
He had was dating the viktor nikiforov.

He had just had sex with viktor nikiforov...

Somehow in the daze of panic, he found his way to the library. His eyes blurred with tears as locked the door behind him. his hands shook wildly, Still clutching the magazine. He felt like it his whole world was crumbling in on itself. The taste of sick burned in the back of his throat. How could he...what would he...he couldn't think straight. Yuuri hid himself in the furthest row of bookcases. Far away from any of the doors or windows where no one could find him. His knees buckled underneath him as he curled up on the floor between stacks of books yet to be put away. He made himself small and clutched his knees, tucking them in as tightly as possible to his chest.  
His lungs burned as he hyperventilated. He couldn't breathe, his heart was going too fast and his chest clenched hard with with the sobs of Tears that poured from his eyes. his whole body shook and trembled as panic completely washed over him. He wished he could just disappear from the face of the earth and never have to surface again.  
He couldn't bring himself to look at the cover of the magazine. It sent a pang of pain to his heart every time the thought about it. He didn't know how to process what was happening or what he was going to do.  
His phone rang in his pocket but he refused to answer it.  
He couldn't speak to anyone right now even if he wanted to.  
The phone rang again and again but it went ignored.

Yuuri could have been there for hours or minutes. He couldn't tell.  
He heard the faint sound of footsteps coming closer but he didn't look up.  
"Yuuri...are you okay?" Mari appeared, kneeling in front of him. "Yuuko called me. She said you ran off and that you were upset. We tried to ring you but you weren't answering so I came to see where you were. What happened? Please say something" Mari spoke quietly and steady. Touching her hand to Yuuri shoulder. Yuuris eyes stung as he wiped away a tear with the back of his hand from under his glasses. He didn't know what to say so he simply handed her the crumbled magazine in silence. Mari scanned it with confusion. Her dark eyebrows knitted together. If Yuuri had been in a better place he would have laughed at how much she looked like their mother when she did that.  
She looked at Yuuri expectantly, waiting for him to speak.  
"Vitya. He lied to me. He isn't who he said he was" the words tore out Yuuri heart as he said them. His voice cracked with the threat of more tears. He unlocked his phone, he had over 10 missed called and just as many messages.  
Yuuri showed her the phone.  
"Yuuri.....are you serious?" Mari Looked over the wallpaper picture of yuuri and vitya, no. Viktor, Together. Her expression flicked from confusion to anger to her regular Stoic calm.  
"You've been seeing....viktor nikiforov...well fuck Yuuri. I don't know what to say." Mari shook her head, handing back the phone "I would ask how you didn't realise but that would be a bit redundant at this point." Mari sighed and sat down beside him. Her back resting against a stack of books. She lit up a cigarette. Yuuri didn't have the energy to argue with her about the library rules. He felt so tired the whole library could have been on fire and he probably wouldn't care. She puffed out a plume of smoke as waiting for yuuri to calm down. His breathing was still uneven and shallow but to his own shock,.Yuuri took the half smoldering cigarette from mari and took a drag to calm his himself. Mari looked at him with disbelief. He coughed at the ashy taste, blowing out the smoke from his nose. He regretted his decision immediately but it did go some ways to calm him down "You are full of surprises today" Mari smiled. Taking the cigarette back off him. "Must be pretty bad if it's driving you of all people to smoke. Now. What are you going to do?"

Yuuri couldn't think of a single thing.  
"I don't know. How do you react to finding out your boyfriend is actually viktor nikiforov?. I feel soo stupid" Yuuri pulled his knees closer to himself, hoping the crush would stop the ache in his chest.  
"Mmmm...that would be a bit of a shock alright. Have you spoken to him?"  
Yuuri shook his head.  
"That would be a good start. He probably had a good reason for not telling you, I mean, it's not everyday you find someone who hasn't heard of Viktor fucking nikiforov" Mari gave a small laugh, blowing out circle of smoke. Yuuri shot her a dark look. "Not helping mari"  
"I know. I'm sorry. It's just...wow. my baby brother hooking up with a movie star. I didn't even know he was gay." Mari shook her head and shrugged. She paused, a realization popping into her head "holy shit ....wait....so viktor nikiforov was in our house?...even worse....viktor nikiforov was in my brother?!!" she burst into a cackle "Please don't...I can't even think about that right now" Yuuri groaned, burying his face hard into his knees. His glasses shifting up into his hair.  
"Okay okay I'm sorry. Seriously though You should call him yuuri. You need to talk to him and sort this out. You still like him, yes,?" Mari asked, calming down.  
Yuuri nodded into his knees. "Then talk to him. You can work it out"  
The truth was that yuuri more than just liked vitya. But the thoughts that vitya had lied to him burned a hole in his heart. His stomach flipped and knotted just thinking about it. It was a betrayal Yuuri didn't know he could get passed.

If vitya had lied about that, what else had he lied about?

  
\-----  
Mari stayed with Yuuri a while until his panic attack had fully blown over. She wanted to stay longer to make sure yuuri was fully okay but She needed to get back to the onsen.  
Yuuri decided to close the library for the day as he needed some time to think by himself and he couldn't face vitya just showing up. So he locked the door as Mari left, Promising he would be home later and to call her if he needed her to come collect him.  
He threw himself into mindless busy work, sorting through books and dusting shelves but as much as the library had always been a source of comfort for him before when he was troubled, now, all it did was make him feel worse and more alone than he had ever felt.  
He took his phone from his pocket and stared at it. Several text messages were still on the screen. Some from yuuko, several from mari, and one unread from vitya.  
Yuuri hesitated, his finger hovering over the delete button for just a moment before he changed his mind and opened it.

"Good morning beautiful.  
Can't wait to see you later, I can't stop thinking about you and last night.  
Call me when you can xxx"

How was he going to be able to talk to him again. Everything felt so wrong now. But Yuuri knew he couldn't avoid it forever. He dialed the number.  
The dial tone dragged on for a painfully long time. Each ring sending cold jabs through Yuuris stomach. Finally vitya answered

"Yuuri!! moya lyubov how are..."

"We need to talk"

"Oh. Is something wrong? I can come over..."

"No. I...I'll meet you at your hotel..."

"Yuuri is everything okay? You sound..."

"No. Everything is not okay"

Yuuri hung up before vitya could reply.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor boi ;_;
> 
> But thankfully mari was there to calm him down. Also, mari has a spare key to the library so she was able to let herself in. Yuuri had given it to her in case he ever got crushed under a pile of books lol. Or at least that's the idea in my head.


	7. Glass hearts.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri confronts Viktor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning there is Heavy angst in this chapter, but there will be a very happy ending by the end of the fic. I promise <3
> 
>  
> 
> Art for this fic!  
> https://hentipie.tumblr.com/post/169625248918/library-au-art-for-my-fic-love-letters

  
Yuuris feet felt like they were full of lead as he walked up the marble steps to the hotel lobby.

He played out what he was going to say to Vitya over and over again in his head, but every scenario ended up badly no matter what he did or said. It wasn't that Vitya was famous, it was that he had lied. Yuuri couldn't get passed that fact and it was tearing him to shreds.

  
Yuuri was not a very confident man. He wasn't the type to think so highly of himself as to fool himself into thinking a hollywood move star would fall desperately in love with him.  
Yuuri thought of the time they spent together, and how somehow they always managed to be alone. Were those kind gestures actually just Vitya covering his tracks? Was Vitya embarrassed to be seen with him? Was Vitya just using him?

What else wasn't real...

The unanswered questions were suffocating him.

Yuuri found himself glued in place on the final step. His legs as stiff as concrete, not wanting to move another inch. He considered running away and never having to speak to Vitya again. Turning off his phone and locking himself away in the library. He could shut out the world and not have to deal with the heartbreak, but he knew he couldn't. He had to face this...somehow.

With a deep breath Yuuri walked in.  
There were a few guests dotted around the grand marble reception. A playful kid was dipping his hand into the fountain and splashing water at her mother much to their dismay.  
The same prickly receptionist typed away on her computer, just as frosty as she had been on every visit. The rest of world was continuing as normal while Yuuri's world was crashing to an end.

Yuuri scanned the room. His heart pounding in his ears, he searched for any sign of Vitya, but it seemed like he had arrived at the hotel before Vitya had finished work.

Work. A grimace touched Yuuri's face as the word. Vitya's work wasn't media production like had he said. He was a famous actor, Viktor Nikiforov, who signed autographs for adoring fans like Yuuko. The betrayal stung deeply.

Yuuri wrung the chain of his glasses between his fingers nervously as he waited for Vitya to arrive. His other hand clung on to the crumpled magazine with Vitya's face on it. He didn't know what good it would do but he thought bringing it would be a least a starting point.

He paced back and forth, the soft click of his shoes on the marble made for a calming distraction, until another set of clicks drew his attention towards the door.

"Yuuri! I came as fast as I could, what's wrong? what happened? Are you okay?" Vitya bundled in, nearly tripping over his feet in his rush. His cheeks were flushed a pale pink and his silver hair was tousled and windswept; he must have actually ran to the hotel by the looks of it.

Yuuri's stomach was doing backflips as he saw him. The plummeting feeling nearly knocked him off his feet.  
He swallowed hard. Yuuri shook his head weakly, unable to look Vitya in the face. Vitya tried to fold him into a hug but Yuuri pushed away. "No" his voice trembled, layered with the promise of tears.

"No. I'm not okay. You lied to me Vitya.", the words felt like acid in his mouth, like nothing had ever done before.

"You lied to me...", Yuuri shoved the magazine into Viktor's hands. He took a sharp intake of breath to stop himself from crying.

Viktor's face sank the second he saw it. Instantly knowing that his secret was out.

"Yuuri...I can explain" Viktor's voice was flat and breathless.

"Explain what? Oh hi Yuuri...by the way I'm Viktor Fricking Nikifirov?", Yuuri could feel his control slipping. The angry bite evident in his shaking voice. He shocked himself with the force of his words.

"Yuuri..." Viktor pleaded but Yuuri didn't let him speak.

"What else did you lie about Vitya? Was all of this a lie? You thought you could come and sweet talk the dumb dull librarian for a bit of fun and then saunter back to Hollywood. Why did you do that Vitya?". Yuuri couldn't stop the tears now. Saying his worries out loud was too much to take. Any shred of rationality and composure he had previously was gone in an instant as he broke down. Yuuri didn't care that other people were staring at him. The pain and hurt were too great to keep inside any longer.

Viktor stood there silently, he tried to reach out to console Yuuri but he was quickly swatted away.

"Don't you dare!" Yuuri cried "I thought you cared for me But you're just a liar! Why Vitya...why?", Yuuri's whole body shook with the angry sobs, his voice weak and crackling. He balled his fists tightly by his sides, desperately trying not to fall apart.

"Yuuri...I...I can explain."

"Then explain!", Yuuri almost shouted. The hurt so clear, he couldn't hide it even if he wanted to. Big, fat tears streamed down his face.

"It's difficult. You didn't know who I was...I thought I could be myself around you without having to pretend..."

Viktor tried to continue but the words came out all wrong. It didn't help the matter at all.

"Pretend what? Pretend that you had feelings for me? I am such an idiot!", Yuuri was inconsolable, his eyes raw from angry tears. His face contorted by the sheer force of his emotions. Yuuri had never felt so upset in his entire life.

"No, Yuuri, please listen to me...do you know how hard it is to find someone like you? Someone who can see me for who I am and not just as Viktor Fucking Nikiforov? I didn't tell you because I wanted you to see me as me. I wanted to tell you...but it's hard. I love you so much, and I was afraid you wouldn't love me if you found out, or that you would only love me just because of my name and not who I am. I was stupid and selfish and I am so so sorry" Viktor pleaded but his attempts fell on deaf ears.

"Do you really think I would have done that? Do you think that little of me?", Yuuri whimpered with weak anger. His voice was small and deflated. He had given up trying not to fall apart. He was in pieces and nothing in the world could put him back together.

"No of course not...please calm down and we can talk this through.", Viktor tried but the damage had been done. He could see it in Yuuri's eyes.

"I...I can't see you anymore", as the words left Yuuri's mouth, his heart shattered like glass. The other guests had be staring with morbid curiosity, watching the whole argument unfold, but Yuuri didn't notice. At that moment he couldn't give a damn what anyone thought.

His heart had been broken by the first person he had ever loved.

Yuuri couldn't bring himself to look at Viktor as he walked away without saying another word.

\-----

Yuuri didn't get out of bed the next day.

Or the day after that.

He was grateful that the library was privately-owned so no one would complain about his absence. He had switched off his phone and discarded it somewhere he couldn't see or hear it. It was sure to be bombarded with messages at this point but Yuuri couldn't look at them. He didn't want to know what Viktor had sent, seeing anything from Viktor would only make it worse. He couldn't even face going to the library in case Viktor showed up. As bad as the idea of messages were, seeing Viktor in person would straight up kill him.

Yuuri knew he couldn't hide away forever but everything was still too raw.  
The memory of their fight felt like a papercut, with his mind stinging it over and over, tonguing the wound.

Mari didn't press Yuuri too much about what happened. After seeing how he had came home that evening, distraught and in pieces, she had made sure to deal with the subject delicately. She tried to coax him out of his room once or twice for dinner, but after gaining no response she settled on leaving a tray of food outside the door. Leaving Yuuri to wallow in his own self pity, but not without a few eyerolls.

\------

"Viktor...you need to snap out of it. You have a bit more to be concerned with right now!" Christophe pleaded. "You're all over the news!" He slapped down the gossip magazine on the table of the hotel room. Viktor barely looked, his face buried in his hands.

Some of the hotel staff had secretly sold photos of himself and Yuuri to the press, publicly outting him without his consent. Yakov had a near melt down when he found out, halting the filming until further notice. Yakov had never given a damn about Viktor's persuasion, but he had been sent into a plume of rage by the breach of Viktor's privacy.  
Lawyers had been called immediately after the release of the first publication, and several of the offending staff members had been fired on the spot, but it had done nothing to quell his anger.

"Viktor.....you're going to have to say something sweetheart. I know you're still torn up about Yuuri but you have got to issue a statement before this gets out of hand." Christophe placed a caring hand on Viktor's shoulder.

It had been a very long few days since Viktor and Yuuri had parted ways. Viktor had barely eaten or slept since that night, wracking up his phone bill with near constant unanswered calls to Yuuri, in an attempt to get him to talk it through. But all attempts had failed.  
Christophe had tried his best to pull Viktor out of it, but it was proving harder than any previous heartbreak. It crushed him to see his friend like this, and the timing of the press leak could not have been worse.

"What's the point?" Viktor said flatly into his hands.

"Oh come on. Now you are just being dramatic Vitya!" Christophe scolded him with a pout.

"What would I even say Chris? I'm gay, and because I'm so unbelievably stupid I've lost the love of my life? That's sure to make a good headline.", Viktor said sarcastically. He tended to be bitchy when he sulked, much to Christophe's dismay.

Chris sighed. Shaking his head at Viktor's stubbornness. "Vitya...all I'm saying is you should address this before it becomes a scandal. If you say it yourself, it will be far better than if it's left to speculation. You know how the media can twist things and make mountains out of molehills. Do you think that is what your Yuuri would want? This affects him too Viktor. He will have to deal with the fallout just as much as you will."

The mention of Yuuri's name made Viktor's chest clench. Christophe was right. Yuuri would be effected just as badly as he would be. The last thing he wanted was to cause Yuuri any more trouble or pain than he already had. The look on Yuuri's face that night had been haunting him. No one should ever make someone so beautiful look so sad.

Viktor had fucked up things with Yuuri. But he didn't have to make his suffering worse.

Viktor got up and walked to the window staring out over the town. The lights were so much different than the lights he was used to in LA. In LA the neon buzz blocked out all the stars and felt uneasy, but here the warm light felt more like fireflies. The stars were still visible on a clear night.

Viktor sighed, all the air deflated out of his lungs. He didn't have it in him to fight it any more, "Fine. I'll give a statement but I have to do something first."


	8. Haunted by blue.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor has touched everything in Yuuris life. How can Yuuri live without him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art for this fic!  
> https://hentipie.tumblr.com/post/169625248918/library-au-art-for-my-fic-love-letters

The summers in Hasetsu were hot and humid affairs, and with the sweltering heat wave currently melting the town, Yuuri cursed the lack of air conditioning in the library. Even with several fans perched precariously around on every available stack of books, it still felt like a greenhouse. The soft hum of the fans made for a pleasant change to the usual quiet of the library. 

From on top of the old ladder Yuuri looked out over the expansive maze of bookcases, bowing and creaking under the weight of overstuffed shelves. The dusty musk of the old books permeated the very fibre of the antique wood. Rich with age and history, it was a smell so unique to the library Yuuri wished he could bottle it. The cool air blowing from the fans seemed to exaggerate it, wafting the particles of dust around and rustling stray sheets of paper that were strewn among the bookcases. It was like the place had a life of its own today.

Yuuri sighed. 

The library had a way of being loud even when it was completely silent. Loud with stories and tales and memories of the generations of people who passed through its walls, discovering the joy of reading just like Yuuri had.

But after three days away, the library felt different now. Even packed full of books, it was hollow and empty, and for the first time Yuuri felt lonely. The once comforting sanctuary was now painfully haunted by the time Yuuri and Viktor had spent together there.

Yuuri had been trying to block it out by throwing himself into as much work as possible. Yuuri thought that if he was busy, he wouldn't have time to think about Viktor.

Unfortunately he had been wrong.

There was only so much work that could be done in a library that had so few patrons, even with the restoration work, Yuuri was quickly running out of things to occupy himself. As much as Yuuri tried, regardless of what he was doing, his mind would drift back to Viktor like a dowsing rod. How he had looked the first day they met, the talks they had as he helped Yuuri organise the bookshelves, the picnics they had each lunchtime on the floor, the kisses they shared when they were sure they were alone…

They had only dated for just over 2 months but Yuuri could still feel the shockwaves as if they had been together for years.

Yuuri looked at the books he had gathered up in his arms. Some of them had not been taken out in years, a thin layer of dust still rested on the cover from disuse. Yuuri began wiping them clean and placing them in alphabetical order and by year of release. Each book placed in the section of their particular genre. Yuuri was barely paying attention. His movements were mechanical and subconscious; muscle memory from the thousands of times Yuuri had done the exact same thing.

It was only when he picked up a book from the next pile he snapped out of his haze. There was the romance novel Viktor had taken out all those weeks ago, beneath it was a stack of nearly 50 romance novels. The sight of them flared something in Yuuri he had not realised he had been feeling. He was angry. Angry at himself. Angry at Viktor. He was even angry at the library itself.  
The urge to throw the pile of romance books out was nearly overpowering. He wished he could box them up and leave them on the curb, never to be seen again.

But he didn't.

Yuuri stared at the cover for the longest time. Viktor had used it to talk to him, to ask him out on their first date. The novel used to be his favourite in the entire library but now it was a painful reminder of Viktor. Just like how the smell of the old books had soaked into the very foundations of the library, Viktor seemed to have worked his way into everything in Yuuri’s life. His absence was becoming impossible to ignore…

 

\------

 

When Yuuri made it home that evening it was ever more impossible.

"Katsuki Yuuri!!" Mari cornered Yuuri as soon as walked in the door. She practically prickled as she scowled at him.

"What's wrong?" Yuuri groaned, not having the energy for anything more.  
"That...", Mari dramatically pointed towards the reception room of the onsen,"That is what's wrong!".

Yuuri's automatically panicked even before he saw around the corner. A thousand possibilities ran through his head about what could have caused Mari to be so rustled. He didn't want to look but the glare from Mari told him he had no choice.

He peaked around the corner tentatively as if he was approaching a bomb about to explode at any minute.

Yuuri gasped.

There, in the reception of his family home, were hundreds of bouquets of beautiful blue roses. On every desk and across every available surface were vases and baskets of roses. The sweet scent floored Yuuri the minute he walked in. It was like a sea of sapphire blue in every direction he looked. His jaw fell open at the sight of it.

"Oh my god..." was all Yuuri could manage to say. His heart jumped straight into his throat.

Viktor.

"These arrived earlier. From Viktor. You haven't spoken to him yet have you?" Mari gave him a scowl that could have cut through him like butter. Her eyes on him like laser pointers. Yuuri shook his head still gaping at the forest of bouquets. 

"Yuuri...." she folded her arms disapprovingly.

"I...I can't do it. I can't face him again Mari." Yuuri said weakly. His voice small as his eyes began to sting with tears. The sight of the blue roses hurt more than he had expected them to. Tears pooled in his eyes.

The truth was he missed Viktor terribly. The ache it caused in his heart nearly crippled him. He wanted to forgive Viktor so much but there was a wall of doubt that stopped him each time. He was angry and sad and hurt and lonely all in one. The cocktail of emotions only building with intensity the more he tried not to deal with them.

But he couldn't forgive Viktor. Not yet. And even if he could, what would he do then?.

"They all came with cards. Do you want to read them?" Mari asked her arms still folded. 

Yuuri shook his head.He couldn't face them. Seeing Viktor’s words written out in front of him would be too much.

"For someone so placid you can honestly be the most stubborn person." Mari gave another disapproving look, but silently agreed to remove the cards. She made sure to pocket them all without Yuuri noticing. She knew he would want to read them eventually and she didn’t have the heart to throw them away. Viktor was trying so hard and Yuuri was being so stubborn.

"So, what are we going to do about all these flowers? The onsen will be covered..." Mari started before Yuuri cut across her

"Give them away, donate them to a shrine, I don't really mind. Just as long as they're not here..."

\-----

The cameras flashed and reporters wrote furiously on their notepads.The low mumble of the expectant crowd was beginning to swell. Yakov and Viktor’s publicist had already taken their place at the table as everyone eagerly awaited Viktor to take to the stage.

They had organized the interview as quickly as they could after Viktor had decided he was ready to release his statement. Yuuri had not responded to any of his calls, He had ignored his messages, and it would seem his gesture of roses had gone fruitless. Viktor had bought every florist in the Saga prefecture out of blue roses to send to Yuuri. He had spent hours writing card after card trying to say how he felt and how sorry he was, but Yuuri had not replied.  
Viktor had never felt so at a lost before; but then again, Viktor had never been simultaneously so in love and so heartbroken before.

After countless failed efforts to contact Yuuri, he had decided to go ahead and make his statement anyway. He had wanted to talk to Yuuri before hand, to explain everything but waiting any longer would only cause more problems, and Viktor thought, at this point he had nothing else of value to lose. If he had lost Yuuri, he had nothing else worth saving.

The crowd was waiting with bated breath for Viktor to begin. "You can do this Vitya. It will be okay", Christophe whispered to him with a supportive hand on his shoulder as he took to the stage.

He took a deep breathe.

"Hello everyone. Thank you for waiting. I would like to thank you all for your patience." Cameras flashed wildly and a hush fell across the room. The anticipation was almost audible.

"As you may be aware there has been several rumours going around thanks to the unauthorized publication of private photographs. After taking some time to think, I have decided to address these rumours.", Viktor began. His voice was flat and monotone. He stared absently in front of him not really seeing the crowd or cameras pointing at him, like the barrels of guns waiting to fire. He wished with all his soul that he didn’t have to be sitting there alone. He wished he could be with Yuuri...

"I had wanted to keep my private life and my public life separate, I wish I could have been allowed to come out on my own terms, but unfortunately the careless actions of a few people have forced my hand. The truth is I am a proud gay man. To those close to me this is not a surprise but for my own reasons, I had chosen kept my sexuality out of the public eye. I felt it was a personal matter and not one that should become the subject of gossip columns. I am sorry for not being open and honest with my fans sooner, but as you can imagine, being in the public spot light tends to come with its difficulties. Furthermore, after much consideration..."

The crowd was electric with anticipation, like all the air had been sucked from the room as it took a deep breath.

"For personal reasons I have decided to take an extended break from acting, and I will be returning to Russia until further notice. Thank you"

The crowd erupted into a mass of shouts and questions. Reported clambered over themselves to ask for further statements. Shoving microphones and cameras up as close as they could like a flock of vultures, Viktor could barely make out a single sentence until one question rang out clear as day.

"Who was the other man in the photos?"

Viktor paused. Yuuri had blocked him out and he had just ended his career on international television. He didn’t want to bring Yuuri into this any more than he already had. But he wanted to make one last attempt at making things right. Even if Yuuri ignored it, Viktor wanted to know he at least tried everything he possibly could before he accepted that Yuuri was gone for good.

He answered.

"The love of my life and I fucked it up. Yuuri. If you are watching. I am so sorry. You are the first person I have ever wanted to hold on to, but I was stupid and ruined everything. Even though you don't want to see me, and probably won’t even be watching this, I just wanted to say that you were and always be, my life and love.....I'm sorry."

Viktor stood up and left without another word. The whole room was left in utter frenzy.

\-----

 

Yuuri sat completely in shock as the news broadcaster played the interview clip. Yuuri never watched TV, but as he sat with his family to have dinner that night, his mother had turned it on for some background noise. His jaw dropped the second he saw Viktor come on screen.

Hearing his voice, and hearing his words. Yuuri didn’t know how to react. He just sat staring at the screen.

Viktor was going back to Russia.

Viktor was leaving.

 

Yuuri’s body moved in autopilot. He was on his feet and running towards the door before anyone could stop him. Yuuri cursed himself. He had been so stupid. He had been so selfish and stubborn and awful. Yuuri couldn’t catch up with his thoughts as they bolted a million miles a minute. Yuuri hardly realised he was running, his lungs burned as he pelted down the pavement.

He needed to see Viktor. He needed to tell him how he felt before he was gone forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so torn over two possible outcomes for this XD so i'd love to hear your theories!!!
> 
> thank you all for your kudos and bookmarks :) it means a lot to know people are enjoying the AU!


	9. Unspoken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My life, My Love, My everything. 
> 
> Yuuri had a lot to say and only one way to say it.

Yuuri ran faster than he ever had in his entire life. His feet pounding the pavement in a painful rhythm, as he sprinted at full speed, pushing his body to its limits. Maybe is some alternative universe he was a world class athlete, but unfortunately in reality, the years of living a sedentary life had not done Yuuri any favours. His muscles and lungs were screaming from overexertion, but the adrenaline was making him push through it. Yuuri couldn't let him leave without making things okay, without telling him how much he loved him.

 

Viktor,   
Viktor,   
Vitya...   
  
Before Yuuri knew it, he was at the foot of the marble steps to Vitya’s hotel. He practically tripped over himself, as he clambered up and burst through the front doors, making a significantly more dramatic entrance than he had intended. People turned their heads at the loud bang, staring at a dishevelled Yuuri. He panted heavily and sweat beaded on his forehead; he clutched his chest, nearly sure he was going into cardiac arrest with how fast his heart was beating. 

  
Yuuri made it to the reception desk, he was so bleary eyed he barely registered the new receptionist, who had jumped to her feet the second Yuuri had made his abrupt arrival.   
  
"Can....can I help you? Would you like to sit down? A glass of water?" the tiny blonde asked Yuuri with deep concern, fluttering around like a lost bird. Yuuri must have looked like he was about to collapse at any moment with the level of worry on the girls face. He shook his head. 

  
"Viktor Nikiforov....Where?", Yuuri managed to say in between deep staggered breathes, clinging to the front desk to steady himself and to stop him from fainting.    
"I'm so sorry... but I'm afraid Mr. Nikiforov checked out this morning." the girl said apologetically. 

  
If Yuuri had had any wind left in him, it would have been knocked out of him at that moment.

 

There was no way of knowing which airport Vitya had gone to, the time of his flight, or even the airline. He could be anywhere at this point...

  
Yuuri had been too late to catch him.   
  
Vitya was already gone.    
  
\-----   
  
Yuuri spent the rest of the night calling Vitya’s cell phone. Yuuri hit the redial button over and over as he sat on his bedroom floor. Hoping that maybe this time Vitya’s musical voice would chime in and answer him, but each ring ended in the same recorded message being played.    
  
"This number is no longer in service"    
  
Maybe this time. Or this time. Just one more time.    
  
\-----    
  
  
The first strands of dawn crept in through the curtains. It painted warm golden streaks across the bedroom walls and reflected off the tiniest flecks of dust, making them shimmer in the morning sunlight. Yuuri hadn't noticed the time passing, or how painfully tired he was. His eyes stung from exhaustion and weariness, his whole body numb.   
  
A soft knock came to his door. 

  
"Yuuri..." his sister's voice came quietly from behind the door. 

 

He didn't answer. 

  
She knocked again before slowly opening it just a crack to peak her head around. "Can I come in?" Mari asked softly, not wanting to intrude on Yuuri any further. 

  
Yuuri gave a weak hum of recognition for Mari to come in. His face remained buried into his knees. 

  
She kept her expression as blank as possible, not giving away the hints of pity as she saw Yuuri huddled up on the floor; just like he had been when Mari found him in the library in the depths of a panic attack. Yuuri was not someone who liked to be pitied but Mari couldn't but feel sorry for him. He looked so small and broken, how could she not.   
  
Mari took a bundled stack of cards from her pocket and lay them on the desk that was closest to the door. Yuuri didn't even raise his head to acknowledge her. She wanted to say something as she stood for a moment, but swallowed the words before they had a chance to surface. 

  
Words wouldn't do anything to help Yuuri at this point and Mari didn't want to force him into a conversation he'd rather not have, so she left Yuuri to be by himself.    
  
\-----   
  
It was several hours before Yuuri finally rose from his position on the floor. His legs had gone dead and numb from being clamped to his chest, pins and needles darted down his calves into his toes, the tingle was the only thing Yuuri had felt in his legs in hours. His joints clicked as he got up, his body cramping from the dash to Vitya’s hotel the night before.   
  
Yuuri stood in the middle of his room with his mind completely blank and empty. He had cried out all his tears and he had felt all his hurt. There was nothing left for him to feel after the night he had just had. He knew that maybe he was being over dramatic, and that people go through heartbreaks all the, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was mourning. There was something deep in his soul that ached that he couldn’t explain.

 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, parting from Vitya had never felt final. Like they were always going to make up eventually, somehow. Yes, he had been angry and upset with Vitya, but Yuuri couldn't deny he still felt deeply for him, like they were meant to be together.

  
But this time however, it felt so unfairly final and he had no one to blame but himself.    
  
Yuuri glanced over to the bundle of cards on the desk, there were at least 100 cards tied with a little red string in a neat stack. Yuuri went and took them, sitting down on his far more comfortable bed. He held them in his hands, debating with himself if he should read them or not. 

 

If he could read them...   
  
Yuuri flipped the bundle over in his hands and saw the first letters of Vitya’s delicate handwriting. With more than a few moments of hesitation, Yuuri finally pulled the string and began to read through them one by one.    
  
"Yuuri, the world has no colour without you. I love you, I'm sorry."   
  
"You have taught me so much about what it means to be alive. You've brought meaning to my life where there was none before."   
  
"You made me realize what love truly means, please forgive me."   
  
Each card brought fresh tears to Yuuri's eyes. Each card was a love letter and, even though Yuuri had read every book in the library, he never thought someone could write so beautifully.

Yuuri wished he could turn back time and read them when Vitya had first sent them. He could have avoided so much heartache. If only he hadn't been so damn stubborn and had gotten out of his head for just one second. 

 

  
He could have made things right...   
  
The last card, number 151, was the card from the very first bouquet of roses Vitya had given him. Mari must have fished it out of his waistcoat pocket when doing the laundry and knew Yuuri would want to keep it. Yuuri made a mental note to thank her for her forethought. It was crumbled and worn but the words were still as crisp as day in shiny gold ink.   
  
"My life, my love, my everything."   
  
Yuuri ran his fingers over the writing. How had he been so foolish…?   
  
As he sat staring at the card an idea occurred to him. Vitya had gone back to Russia but that didn't mean he was completely unreachable. Someone, somewhere, must know his address, or his Russian phone number, or something. Someone must know where he is!   
  
With that, Yuuri set himself on a mission. He grabbed his coat and left, not even bothering to change his clothes. He would have to call in some favours but a blaze of determination had been lit inside him that spurred him forward. He was not going to let things end like this.   
  
No way.    
  
\----   
  
Yuuri had searched every internet site and every known source of information for Vitya’s address. He had called in a favour from Minako, who happened to know someone, who happened to know someone, who was kind enough to lend Yuuri a Russian phone book for the St Petersburg area. It was a little out of date, but it was an honest to god miracle that he was even able to find one. 

  
Minako’s contact was a historian, who luckily happened to be working on a research project of the distribution of surnames after the Soviet dissolution, and had owned a number of phone books, and censuses, that he had been using for his research. He had very kindly let Yuuri borrow one, on the sole condition of Yuuri repairing it while he had it. It was in a dire condition and on the brink of falling apart. 

  
Yuuri agreed, and was reminded how endlessly grateful he was that his job in a library had led to him having some pretty niche contacts.   
  
Yuuri sat at the desk in the library and called every single V. Nikiforov in St Petersburg. There were surprisingly quite a few, but not many spoke English which lead to several awkward conversations. He did however have a nice chat with a V. Nikiforov that worked in a polar bear sanctuary, and another V. Nikiforov that was a figure skater. But sadly, even after hundreds of phone calls, none of them had been his Vitya. 

  
Yuuri knew it had been a long shot that Vitya would even be listed in the phone book, but he had thought it was worth a shot anyway. He had nothing to lose after all, aside from a fairly hefty phone bill.    
  
Yuuri tapped his pen on his thigh, clicking it repeatedly as he hung up on yet another dead end. 

 

Think, think, think. 

  
The search for any way of contacting Vitya had not been going well. The only address Yuuri managed to come across in his hours of trawling was a fan mail P.O. box, and Yuuri was getting nowhere fast with the phonebook. He gave a deep heavy sigh, slumping his head onto the desk.    
  
If Yuuri wrote to the fan mail address, it would be more than likely that Vitya, or whomever sorted his mail, would assume it was a rather cheeky fan claiming to be him, considering Vitya had just mentioned Yuuri by name on international television. Yuuri had tried to call Vitya’s agency in LA but they had refused his call for that same reason.   
  
Yuuri needed a way to let Vitya know it was really him.    
  
An idea struck Yuuri like a bolt of lightning.    
  
The only way Vitya would believe it was really Yuuri was if he proved without a shadow of a doubt it was him. Something undeniable. Yuuri took out the bundle of cards he still had in his pocket. Vitya had written him 150 love letters and Yuuri was going reply to every single one of them, like he should have the day he got them.    
  
Yuuri began to write on the back of each card as carefully as he could, his handwriting was shaky, and not as nearly as neat as Vitya’s, but as he wrote he poured every unspoken word and emotion he had into each letter. He wrote about how much he loved Vitya, and how sorry he was. How much he missed him, and how much he would do anything to be with him again. Yuuri did not believe he had such poetic raw emotion inside him until he had begun writing. It started off as a weak stream, but turned into a torrent of words, bursting out of him quicker than he could write them down.    
  
It took Yuuri several hours to finish, his wrist cramping hard as he signed off on the last one and placed it on top of the pile. Yuuri had kept one card aside that he wanted to hold onto himself. If Vitya didn't reply, he wanted to at least keep the first card Vitya had given him. So he would always have that one to look at and remember what he once had.    
  
Yuuri battled internally with the idea that Vitya still might not reply. The thought that the cards might be gone forever into the ether made it hard to post them, but Yuuri knew it was the one sure way for Vitya to know they were genuinely from Yuuri and not a random crazy fan.    
  
Yuuri had wrapped the bundle of cards in parchment from the library for extra luck and tied them with a red string. He slid them into the post box with a heavy heart, but the flickers of optimism were beginning to grow in his chest for the first time since they had parted ways.    
  
Vitya was sure to reply. He just knew it.


	10. Candlelight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had been a little over a month without a single word or whisper of Vitya.

It had been a little over a month without a single word or whisper of Vitya.

  
Yuuri had been trying to take his mind off of the excruciating silence the best he could. Slogging through day after day, waiting for some sign of Vitya, but none had come. Yuuri was starting to really believe that he had been too late, and his chances of mending things were well and truly gone. 

  
The onsen was starting to wind down for the night by the time Yuuri came in from work after another long day. Mari had grabbed him as soon as he had gotten through the door, claiming rather frantically that she had to run an errand and that Yuuri was to take over the rest of the night shift. Admittedly he was glad for the distraction, and since it was nearly closing time away he had no objections with helping out. Judging by the way Mari had sprinted out the moment Yuuri had agreed, it must have been quite urgent.   
  
Yuuri set to work. Clearing away the tables, while  a few stragglers  pottered around, enjoying their food and sake, and chatting quietly amongst themselves. The smell of freshly cooked food was flowing in from the onsen kitchens. The windows were opened wide, and the mouth watering smell wafted around the room, catching on the warm breeze that filtered in. The sound of the cicadas chirped away pleasantly in tune with the faint swish of the ocean from the open window. It was a nostalgic sound of the Japanese summer that had just begun to roll into the humid autumn.    
  
On such a calm and peaceful evening Yuuri couldn’t stop his mind from drifting. As he worked with a lazy pace, he thought absently about what summers must be like in Russia: what colour the leaves looked like in St. Petersburg when autumn began, if the ocean in St. Petersburg sounded the same. Yuuri had secretly hoped he would have been able to see it sometime, but things hadn’t exactly gone according to plan. 

 

Yuuri gave a heavy wistful sigh. There was no point in thinking about things he couldn’t change. His only option now was to move forward and hope that one day, the memory of Vitya wouldn’t hurt so much.   
  
\-----   
A few days earlier   
\-----   
  
When a the knock came to his door, Viktor bolted from his couch quicker than a flash, dislodging Makkachin from her peaceful slumber at his feet. Christophe had agreed to take some time out of filming to come visit him in St Petersburg and Viktor had been waiting all day for his arrival. 

 

Viktor had been almost a recluse since he moved back to his home city. He avoided social media and had stayed away from much of the outside world. Preferring to spend his days with Makkachin and the occasional trip to the local ice rink, despite being very out of practice, it made for a welcome change of scenery. 

  
Everyone had been shocked at the sudden announcement of his “break”, Yakov especially. Claiming that Viktor was being a sulking drama queen, and shouldn't throw away his career for someone he had just met. Viktor knew he was being a tad dramatic, but he had been contemplating a break anyway, so it wasn’t as much of a spur of the moment thing as many people thought. Viktor was exhausted being in the public eye. As much joy as his career had brought him over the years, it had cost him so much more. He had neglected life and love for years, focusing on work over his own happiness...until he had met Yuuri. And even then his career had taken him away too.    
  
Viktor was tired, and he was ready to leave it all behind.   
  
However, what Viktor had not been prepared for was the backlash. His fans had been mixed on his announcement both of his hiatus and his coming out. Viktor had been avoiding all social media mainly because of thi s, and had not posted a single thing on any of his accounts since his announcement, preferring to wait until  some of discourse had calmed down.    
  
Which was what brought Christophe over to spend a weekend with Viktor. Christophe had been through similar when he went public with his sexuality, so he had agreed to come for a visit to give Viktor some moral support, having had first hand experience of dealing with aftermath himself.   
  
“Christophe! I am so glad you could make it.” Viktor swung open the door and embraced his friend in a wide hug. 

  
“Of course! It’s good to see you’re still alive. You have had the whole world worried that you were secretly dying or something” Christophe laughed warmly, returning the hug. 

  
“Not yet anyway.” Viktor smiled, going into the kitchen to grab two glasses and a bottle of some expensive Italian wine. Viktor had a suspicious feeling they would be needing a few drinks by the end of the night.

  
“I should hope not, but by the looks of things you might not be far off.” Chris gave Viktor a scrutinising look. Viktor wa s a hot mess, nothing at all like his usual flawless self. His hair was messy and unkempt, and his usual faint bags under his eyes, which were normally quite charming, now made him look like he had not slept in a decade. Chris was right. He looked like death.    
  
The pair sat down and exchanged friendly chit chat, setting into the bottle of wine. Christophe was regaling? Yakov’s rant after Viktor had left and how the film had wrapped up soon after. Luckily most of Viktor scenes had been finished already, so his absence did not affect the film schedule as much as he had feared.   
  
After a few hours and several glasses of wine it was time to set into the task Christophe had come for. 

  
Viktor had just received his first box of mail from his P.O. box in LA.    
  
Viktor slid over the giant overstuffed box and set it in between the pair. It had arrived earlier in the week and Viktor had been avoiding opening it, like it was filled to the brim with poisonous snakes or some other untold horror. Viktor knew he would have to open it eventually, it would be far too rude of him to ignore them completely and that wasn't his style; but he was uncharacteristically afraid to see his fans reactions. Usually, Viktor could take things with a pinch of salt and negative comments rarely struck deeper than mild annoyance, but with such a personal subject and the possibility of some of them being directed at Yuuri, Viktor was nervous. Without reading a single letter, he knew there were going to be some that would hit a low blow. Christophe had gotten more than his fair share when he had came out, so he had given Viktor a heads up beforehand to brace himself for whatever may come. Viktor didn't think he would have had the strength to go through them without his friend beside him. Viktor was endlessly glad that he had such a good friend to help him through it, but not for the first time did he wish it was Yuuri beside him instead.    
  
It was awful that even in this day and age, people could still be so close minded and cruel but it made Viktor feel better knowing he wasn't alone in this. With a deep breath and downing the last of their glasses of wine, the pair begin to sift through the mountain of mail. Some were supportive letters from fans, some small gifts and fan art of various quality that Viktor made sure to put to one side so he could keep. He loved getting those types of mail, seeing his fans interact and be so inspired to make things for him, it made his heart swell with joy every time he received one. 

  
Unfortunately, not all the mail was so supportive. Viktor’s stomach dropped as he read the first bad one. It made Viktor wonder how upset someone must be to write such horrible things and physically send them to someone. He was used to getting criticism online, where it was an effortless act to shout their opinion into the void of the internet, but to go out of your way to be rude to someone by sending them physical hate mate was baffling to him.    
  
For some reason, seeing horrible comments being written out in front of him in real life had hurt more than he expected. Christophe placed a supportive hand on his arm and took the letter off him. His face didn’t change as he scanned the page before flinging it in the trash bag. 

  
“Honestly, they just sounded like they were mad that they weren't the ones fucking you.” Christophe gave a sharp laugh. The comment made a hint of a smile touch Viktor face. Asking for Christophe's help had been a very good idea. As they went through the pile it was much to Viktor’s relief to find that for every negative letter and piece of hate mail, there were at least 10 wonderful letters of love and support.   
  
They continued on sorting until they were nearly at the end of the box. Only a handful of mail was left, scattered at the bottom. Viktor picked up one of the last parcels, a small package, wrapped in old worn out paper and tied neatly with red string. Viktor completely zoned out of the conversation Christophe was having with him, his focus taken entirely  as he flipped the package over in his hands. Something about it felt strangely familiar, like Viktor had seen it before somewhere. It smelled faintly like old books...   
  
He tentatively pulled the string and unfolded the delicate paper.    
  
If Viktor had been a betting man, he would never in a million years have bet what he would see inside that package...   
  
\-----   
  
Mari returned after a few hours from her errand, her eyebrows knitted together just like their mother’s as she tapped Yuuri shoulder to say something. Yuuri had been miles away when she startled him.

  
“Hey! are you listening?” Mari said, her tone was off and agitated. Yuuri snapped out of his brain fog.

  
“Sorry I'm a bit distracted. What did you say?” Yuuri asked only half interested, his train of thought already drifting away. He was exhausted after the long day and his concentration was not the best when he was so tired.

  
“I said, you left the lights on in the library. I saw them when I was in town. You better go down and turn them off or Minako will have a fit about you running up her electric bill.”

  
Yuuri had blinked in confusion. He barely had time to register what Mari had said before she was shooing him out the door, shoving the keys in his hands.    
  
Yuuri didn't rush to the library, but he didn't dawdle either. His face was contorted and scrunched up as he wracked his brain trying to remember if had he turned everything off when he left. It was extremely unusual for Yuuri to forget such things. The library had old wiring and Yuuri would never risk the chances of a fire breaking out. But sure enough, as Yuuri rounded the corner, there in the high corner of the front window was the soft glow and flicker of light, barely visible behind the stacks of books blocking out the window.   
  
Yuuri must have been far more distracted than he had thought the past while if he had forgotten to do something that had become so automatic over the years.  He filed it away in his head to be more vigilant in the future and was beginning to form plans for a much needed vacation. If he was starting to getting careless because he was distracted maybe it was time for him to take a few days off. God knows he could use a holiday.   
  
Yuuri went to unlock the door with a clunk, the old keys became lodged in the keyhole and had to be jingled freed. 

 

Strange...The door was already unlocked....   
  
Alarm bells immediately rang in Yuuri’ head and his stomach dropped straight to the floor. It was not that there was anything worth stealing in the library for a regular, run of the mill burglar that did not know the value of the books inside. However, the damage a few vandals could do, made Yuuri’s blood run cold. Some of the books were irreplaceable...   
  
As Yuuri  crept silently passed the door, there was a faint glow coming from behind a row of bookcases and the shuffling of someone's feet. It wasn’t the glow of a lamp or the lights and there was a faint smell of burning. Yuuri’s mind conjured a hundred different scenarios. Desperately trying not to panic, he clenched his hand to his chest and grabbed a heavy book from the front desk, not that a book would do much damage but he could not face a potential intruder completely unarmed.    
  
"Hello? Is someone there?" Yuuri said in a weak shout, trying to be as brave as he could with only a book to wield as a weapon.    
  
There was no reply.    
  
Yuuri braced himself bravely and jumped out in front of the bookcase where the glow was coming from.    
  
What Yuuri saw made him stop dead in his tracks.    
  
The towers of books had been cleared into a circle, surrounded by hundreds of candles neatly and safely tucked into jars like bottled fireflies, the orange glow sent flickering shadows over the high ceilings and cascade of books, like a river of warm gold and starlight. It was a beautiful sight, but Yuuri could barely take in the scene before him. His breath had escaped his lungs like a vacuum and his eyes were locked onto the figure standing within the circle of candlelight.    
  
"Yuuri...." Vitya stood, searching for any words to say. He had had a whole speech prepared but the words vanished as soon as he saw Yuuri before him.   
  
Yuuri blinked, frozen to the spot. It was like time had came to a screeching halt. His brain seemed to short circuit and reboot before he could believe it. Vitya was there. Right in front of him.   
  
Yuuri managed to take a few steps forward, reaching out an unsure hand. Tentative and afraid that at any moment Vitya might disappear in a puff of smoke at his touch, like a mirage or some kind of vivid dream. But if this was a dream, Yuuri didn't want to wake up. It would be the best dream he had ever had.    
  
"Vitya...you came back." silent tears welled in Yuuri eyes. Before Yuuri could say another word, Vitya had gathered him up in his arms and pulled him in so close and tightly that Yuuri could feel Vitya’s fluttering heartbeat against his cheek like the wings of a bird.

  
"I only wish it would have been sooner. Yuuri I love you so much. I am so sorry...I only got your letters a few days ago and...god Yuuri...I missed you so much!" Vitya was at a loss for words, so instead he just held Yuuri against him, enveloping him in an embrace like he was made to fit perfectly into his arms.   
  
"I thought I would never see you again. I'm sorry. Please don't leave again...” Yuuri muddled his face into Vitya’s soft vintage jacket, feeling overwhelmed by everything that was happening.

  
Vitya brushed back jet black strands of hair from Yuuri’s eyes, tucking them behind his glasses and cupped Yuuri face between two gentle hands. He tilted Yuuri’s head up just enough to look at him straight on. He looked into Yuuri’s big doe eyes, that glowed a golden honey in the candlelight. It was enough to make Vitya’s heart do gymnastics in his chest. He never knew he could feel so head over heels in love.   
  
“Yuuri, there wasn't a single day that went by where I didn't want to be here with you. I thought about it so much, thought about you... I never want to be away from you ever again…” Vitya placed a feather light kiss on Yuuri’s forehead and wiped away a tear with his thumb from Yuuri’s cheek. Yuuri was too beautiful to cry, even if they were happy tears.    
  
Vitya pull away from Yuuri reluctantly, not wanting to be separated for even a minute, but he managed to take a step back. Vitya took in a breath to steady his nerves and reached inside his jacket pocket.    
  
He pulled out a small black velvet box and dropped down on his knee, taking Yuuri’s hand in his.    
  
“Yuuri…” Vitya said softly. Time stood completely still as he opened the box, revealing two dazzling golden rings. 

 

Yuuri could barely breath as Vitya, the love of his life, looked up at him surrounded by candlelight. 

  
“Will you marry me?”

 


	11. Decisions Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri tries to find the answer to an impossible question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am desperately sorry that it has taken me so long to get this chapter up! there were some things that held it up but they have been sorted now!
> 
> i hope you have been enjoying it and thank you everyone for the support!
> 
> for art of this chapter, please see the notes at the end!

The question hung in the air, the silence so heavy that it was almost possible to hear the soft burn of the candle wicks hiss in the lingering moment. It was as if time had come to a standstill and all the oxygen had vanished from the earth.

Yuuri had had heard the words, but they sounded surreal and foreign, as if spoken in some unknown tongue. His mind could not register it, could not believe that this fairy tale moment, so spontaneous and unexpected, so overwhelming romantic, was really happening and it had left Yuuri at a complete and impassable blank.

Vitya looked up at him expectantly, seemingly unfazed by the silent seconds that felt like an eternity to Yuuri.

It was an impossible question. Yuuri wanted to scream yes and accept without a second thought with all his heart, but his mind was torn apart by every question he still had to ask Vitya.

Not even an hour ago he had accepted that he would possibly never see Vitya again; let alone be standing here now, being given a marriage proposal by the one person in his life he has ever wanted to hold on to. If Yuuri had been the type to faint, he would have done so at that moment.

Terror, joy, panic, overwhelming love. The cocktail of emotions roared inside Yuuri as he fought to find the words to answer but none were forthcoming. Yuuri wanted to say yes, but every time he tried to form the answer it stuck in his throat, his mouth wouldn't budge. None of the words made sense in his head as he desperately tried not to slip into a panicked mess, or in a worst case scenario: bolt for the door.

“Vitya. . . I. . .” Yuuri spoke but his voice felt dry and distant. Like it was an imposter who spoke with his mouth.

Vitya’s face dropped into a smile, but it didn't hide the sting of disappointment in his eyes. The look shot pangs of guilt and pain to Yuuri’s heart, making his insides coil.

“You don't want to. I understand. I know it was a bit spur of the moment.” Vitya said softly through his obviously fake smile.

“No!” Yuuri had found himself shouting. The shock jolted Vitya back an inch on his knee. Yuuri flailed his hands around before clasping his them to his face.

“No, no, no, no, that's not it! Oh god. . . Just. . . Wow, this is a lot to process at once.” Yuuri ran his hands through his hair, trying to collect himself up to be at least somewhat coherent. He was failing miserably.  
Yuuri heart was beating out of his chest so hard and rapid Yuuri felt as if he was on the verge of a heart attack or a spiral of panic. Either was entirely possible.

“There is so much we need to talk about first, I don't even know where to begin. It's all so sudden.” Yuuri needed to sit down. His head was whirling too fast for him to catch up with his own thoughts, let alone his breath.

However, the runaway thoughts suddenly came to a screeching halt as he felt the gentle touch of Vitya reaching out to still his shaking hands. It was like Yuuri had been floating away out of control and Vitya had anchored him back down to solid ground with just a single touch.

“It’s okay, Yuuri. I know we have a lot to work out, but we have all the time in the world to do so. I want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you. If it takes us a year, or even 50, I want to be with you no matter what.” Vitya smooth his thumb over Yuuri’s hand. He slowly got up and folded Yuuri into his arms.

“We can take it at your pace.” the relief that washed over Yuuri all at once nearly knocked him as much as the shock of the proposal had. He had no idea how Vitya could have such an effect on him so easily.

Yuuri clung into Vitya embrace, letting out a deep breath he hadn't realised he’d needed so badly. Vitya laid a feather light kiss on the crown of Yuuri’s head, feeling the anxious tension in his shoulders begin to ease.

Yuuri’s whole body felt as if it were melting into Vitya’s. He had tried so hard to suppress how much he missed his touch, his warmth, the sound of his voice, and the smell of his hair. During the time apart he had willed himself to forget all the little things about Vitya that he loved so much, but the absence only seemed to have scotched them deeper into his mind.

After hearing the way Vitya spoke so honestly and earnestly, it clicked the jumble of Yuuri’s thoughts into place. Why was he even hesitating? He loved Vitya so much it hurt, but the moment of clarity was all too brief before Yuuri remember how terrifying it was. Yuuri loved him so much, the thoughts of losing him again could prove deadly, it was a seesaw of emotions Yuuri had no idea how to deal with, other than clinging on to Vitya as tightly as he could. Savouring the few moments he had, while he had the chance.

After some time of silence, minutes or hours, it was impossible to tell. Yuuri reluctantly pulled away from Vitya’s arms. The smell of burning candles snapped him back to reality like a splash of cold water.

“I hate to ruin the moment, but we should blow out the candles. They are quite romantic, and such a lovely gesture, but if any of the books got damaged… I don't think they would ever find your body.” Yuuri said with a laugh only half joking. He needed to break the tension building up inside him somehow, and cracking a joke felt the most nonchalant, not that Yuuri had ever pulled off nonchalant in his life before, but everything else had been so surreal, he felt it was a good time to try.

“How did you even get in here with these anyway?” The thought had only just occurred to Yuuri as he looked around.

Vitya pursed his lips to stop the smile from spreading on his face “Funny you should say that, that is exactly what your sister threatened me with.”

“What? When? How did that happen?” Yuuri pulled back, his face in complete shock.

“I arrived on the first plane this morning and I came straight here to see you, but when I got here, the library was closed so I went to the onsen where I encountered your lovely sister.” Vitya grimaced “She nearly tore me to shreds before I explained to her my intentions. I had just missed you at the onsen so Mari came up with the idea to set up the library and let me in with the spare key after she called me some very colourful names.” Vitya gave an infectious laugh. “The proposal was going to be surprise of course, but we can save that for another day.”

Yuuri blushed deeply with embarrassment “She is just really protective.” Yuuri sighed shaking his head. That explains what the urgent errand Mari had to run this evening was, and why she had been so insistent that Yuuri take her shift. Two birds with one stone. Yuuri grimaced at himself for not noticing that Mari was up to something.

“I noticed. She didn't seem all that happy when I showed up on the doorstep.” Vitya said beginning to blow out the adjacent candles, sending the smell of wax and cinders into the air with a puff of smoke that was ever so slightly scented with vanilla.

“Sorry about that. Mari was there for...you know...the split. She saw how devastated I was, and her big sister instincts kind of took over.” Yuuri gave a small shrug blowing out some of the higher candles, taking care not to disrupt any of the hot wax within the jars.

Vitya stopped in his tracks. His face suddenly turning serious, “I am sorry that I did that to you. I never meant to hurt you like that.”

“I know. I guess I took it a bit harder than I should have.. We had just...” Yuuri blushed deeply, becoming bashful. He couldn't bring himself to look Vitya in the eyes, focusing intently at the task at hand. “We had just slept together for the first time. My first time with anyone ever, in fact. I know how ridiculous I acted now in hindsight, but when it happened...” Yuuri bit back the lump in his throat. He clutched onto the candle jar in his hands, his eyes glued to the flickering light as the warm glass threatening to burn his fingers. Focusing on the flame like it was the most fascinating sight in the world  
“I thought you had lied about who you were just to sleep with me.” Admitting it out loud felt bittersweet. It was a relief to finally have it aired out and dealt with, but it stung to be reminded of all the doubt and betrayal that had built up inside him. Even if the betrayal hadn't been real. The feeling it left was as real as the ground beneath his feet, and the memory of it was still as sharp as glass in his heart.

Yuuri looked up at Vitya. The flickers of the last few candles painted his features in dramatic shadows. 

Vitya looked sombre as he took in the words. His mouth formed a hard line as he sought a response, eyebrows pinched in a frown. “I would never do that Yuuri. Some people might if they had been in my position but that would go against everything I believe in. Especially when it comes to love.” Vitya was unreadable as he looked at Yuuri over the candlelight.

“And what do you believe in? About love?” Yuuri asked automatically. A steady weight of tension grew in the air between them. Heavy with unspoken avidity and anticipation.

“I didn't believe I would ever find it. That it was only for people in movies. Only other people were lucky enough to experience something as wonderful as true love. I had written the whole idea off as impossible, but then one day I got lost and found my way here.” Vitya touched his hand gently to Yuuri’s chin, causing Yuuri to hold his breath. “Then I realised that love is something so much more real than anything in the movies, and once you find it, nothing else can compare to it.”

He dropped his hand and Yuuri let out a breath. “I promised myself, that if ever I was blessed enough to find true love I would hold onto it with all I had. But when I found it, well... as it turns out I wasn't brave enough to accept it, but now I am and I will do whatever it takes to make sure I never lose you again Yuuri.”

There was a rawness to the way Vitya spoke, His words marred with the regret and the loneliness of a lifetime without love, it hit Yuuri in the chest like a sucker punch, knocking the wind out of his lungs. Yuuri could see it in his eyes how much Vitya had been hurt by their time apart, just as badly as he had.

“Vitya…” Yuuri said softly. “You never did read that book you borrowed”

Vitya shook his head with a confused laugh. “Unfortunately not, why?”

“It's one of my favourites. I must have read it hundreds of times.” Yuuri smiled, barely able to look up at Vitya.

“Oh? You never did tell me what it was about?” Vitya asked, trying to figure out the sudden change of subject.

“It's about soulmates.” Yuuri voice was almost a whisper “I used to read it all the time but never thought that something like that was possible, that that kind of love couldn't be real, but after everything that's happened, and everything I've felt, I can honestly say that I was wrong.”

The last candle flickered between them, filling the darkness with a small warm glow.

Each one unsure of what to say or do as they stood inches apart. There was nothing left to say in that moment for them, the tension between them had built to a breaking point, but they were both afraid to acknowledge it. It was as if they were standing on the edge of a cliff waiting with baited breath to see which one would take the plunge first.

Yuuri would never be able to pinpoint who moved first exactly, but in the split second it took him to put down the candle out of his hands, they had crashed into each other. In the darkness of the empty library they let the floodgates open, drowning in each other’s touch as if they had been dying of thirst.

In the weeks apart, Yuuri had re-imagined the touch of Vitya lips and the soft graze of his hands on his skin, with only the smallest hint of guilt on many occasions when he was alone, but now feeling Vitya all around him was like a burst of colour. Where his imagination has been grey and foggy, the moment Yuuri felt Vitya’s lips again in real life was a vivid explosion that coursed through every inch of him.

It seemed like an age before they finally broke their kiss to resurface for air. Yuuri panted as he lost all control on his heart rate, his glasses askew and face blushed a deep crimson, the heat of it touching the tips of his ears. Vitya rested his forehead against Yuuri’s, a matching tinge on his cheeks was only barely masked by the darkness. His fingers ran through Yuuri’s hair holding him in place.

Another question hung unspoken in the air

“I...I don't want to rush you” Vitya said in barely more than a whisper.

“I think we've done enough waiting, wouldn’t you agree?” Yuuri would have been shocked at his boldness had he stopped for a second before grabbing Vitya’s collar and pulling him into another deep kiss, this time with a very clear intent, moving in as close as possible to Vitya.

Vitya didn't protest, his hands finding their way up the back of Yuuri’s waistcoat and shirt. Tugging them off over his heading in a skilful movement. The touch of Vitya’s hands on his skin sent goosebumps down Yuuri arms. He let out a jagged breath as Vitya moved to kiss down his jawline to his neck. Peppering kisses as he gently pushed Yuuri up against a sturdy bookcase, causing only a slight bump to the shelves as he did so.

Yuuri instinctively hooked one of his legs over Vitya’s hip to pull him closer, their bodies only separated by only a few layers of fabric.

Vitya’s hands all over Yuuri’s skin, his breath on his neck. Everything felt like it belonged there, it was something his hadn’t realised he craved deep down in a primal part of his being.

It didn't take long for Yuuri to unbutton Vitya’s shirt, not breaking the kiss for a moment. Despite his shaking fingers, he worked in a flurry, popping open each button until Vitya’s shirt hung open. Even in the low light it was easy to tell the curves of Vitya’s chest, Yuuri traced his fingers over his strong collar bone and down the valley of his defined chest. 

Yuuri felt Vitya was just as excited as he was, his pants beginningto feel tight at the contact.

He only felt a fleeting sense of shame at the desperation he felt to be with Vitya, how easy it was for him to want to go further and lose himself completely in everything that was Vitya, as if they had never parted.

It didn’t take long for Yuuri to work Vitya’s buckle loose, opening the front of his pants releasing his excitement.

Vitya hooked his fingers through the pant loops and slid them down to his knees. A soft gasp left Yuuri lips as Vitya grabbed onto his thigh, pinning him in place against the hard surface of the antique oak bookcase.

Vitya’s hands working to reciprocate, with a few adjustments to their position, Vitya pulled Yuuri’s pants down passed his ankles and threw them somewhere out of sight. His belt buckle making a clink on the hardwood floor wherever it landed.

The cool wood sending a shiver down Yuuri’s spine as he was now completely exposed. It was a vulnerability Yuuri was not used to and even though they had slept together before, the anxious tension curled inside him, mixing with the excitement and adrenaline of it all.

Yuuri had fantasized about a moment not unlike this one many times, but his wildest dreams couldn't compare to how it felt to be doing this with Vitya.

In the spontaneity of everything, neither had come prepared with lubricant, however nothing short of the end of the world could stop them now that they had started. With only a momentary separation Vitya rooted in his jacket pocket to find an alternative. He pulled out a small container of Chanel lip balm.

Yuuri didn't want to think of how expensive it must have been, considering what they were about to use it for, but Yuuri was just about ready to sell his soul if it meant he could feel Vitya inside him again.

Vitya dabbed some of the silky balm up the length of his fingers before sliding his hand between Yuuri’s thighs, warranting an intake of breath as he spread Yuuri open, finding the pucker of his entrance. Yuuri found his back arching at the touch, his leg finding its way to wrap around Vitya’s hip.

Vitya slid a finger inside as gentle as his could, taking his time to allow Yuuri to adjust.

Yuuri moved his hand to take hold of Vitya, moving his wrist in slow pumps to mimic the rhythm of Vitya’s finger as he worked Yuuri open. Gentle moans filled the air as another finger was added, curling upwards to send a wave of tingling pleasure to Yuuri very core. 

“Vitya…” Yuuri moaned as Vitya hit the sensitive nerve endings of his prostate, making his toes curl and heart flutter in his chest. The hot coil of arousal swirling deep in his stomach was already close to breaking point.

Yuuri ran his fingers over Vitya’s heavy tip, rubbing the leaking pre-cum around the head. The action made Vitya’s breath hitch.

“I want you. Please, Vitya…” Yuuri panted, he didn't know how much longer he could stand it.

Vitya reluctantly removed his hand from between Yuuri thighs to coat himself with the Chanel balm. The tacky sound it made as he rubbed himself made Yuuri blush with anticipation.  
Once he was covered from tip to base, Vitya hoisted Yuuri up onto his hips, holding Yuuri up, his naked back sticking to the wood of the bookcase.

Vitya teased Yuuri one last time before finally pushing into him, Yuuri let out pleasurable whine at the sensation. The burn of it setting his whole body ablaze.

Vitya buried his face into Yuuri neck as he slid deeper. He snapped his eyes closed. “God Yuuri…” his voice faltered as he bottomed out “you are so tight. I need a second.”

Between the lack of lubrication and their position, it was an intense feeling for both of them. Neither moved for a few long moments, drowning in the sensation.

Eventually, Vitya gently moved, his hips rolled in shallow, painfully slow thrusts. Yuuri laced his fingers into Vitya’s silver hair, tugging harder with each roll, it was all his could do to stop himself crying out, but as Vitya began to move quicker and deeper, the moans came anyway.

They became a symphony of sound, their racing heartbeats and heavy breaths. The chorus of Yuuri voice, repeating Vitya’s name in between the soft lewd moans escaping his throat.

Several books dislodged from their shelves and crashed to the floor but went entirely unnoticed. The only thing that existed at the moment was them.

\---

As the waves of orgasm crash over them, Vitya slid down onto his knees with Yuuri still seated on his lap. Vitya panted into Yuuri’s neck trying to catch his breath, nuzzling his face into Yuuri’s hair. Yuuri was almost afraid to release his grip on Vitya’s shoulders, as if letting go would make him float away.

Yuuri ran his hand through Vitya’s hair, the soft hint of moonlight catching on the silver strands like it had the first time they had slept together.

“Vitya…” Yuuri broke the contented silence.

Vitya hummed in response still buried in his shoulder.

“Ask me again”

Vitya leaned back to look at Yuuri, his eyebrows pinched in momentary confusion. “Are you sure?”

“Please Vitya. Ask me again” Yuuri blushed shyly. It was maybe not the best time to ask considering what they had just done, and the fact that Vitya was still inside of him, but in that moment, it felt right and Yuuri had made up his mind.

They had a lot to work out and still so much to talk about, but nothing could change how Yuuri felt being with Vitya, how much the thought of spending his whole life with Vitya made his heart ache with joy, or how even when they were apart, Vitya was all he could think about, his life forever changed by his presence. It was not the perfect timing or the perfect situation, but Yuuri knew it was what he wanted and wished he hadn't been too afraid to answer earlier.

A wide grin broke across Vitya face as he leaned back and cleared his throat.

“Katsuki Yuuri, Will you marry me?”

This time Yuuri had an answer and it came without a moment of hesitation. 

“Yes. I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW art for this chapter is up on my tumblr ^_^ https://hentipie.tumblr.com/post/172887923768/hentipie-love-letters-nsfw-as-votes-by-yall-on

**Author's Note:**

> I have wanted to do librarian Yuuri AU for a while now, so i have a lot of chapters planned for this! The rating may change with more than likely eventual smutt. because of course there will be ;) i am sorry for any errors and i'd appreciate any feedback you'd like to give! thank you and i hope you enjoyed!


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